Kpop Sickfics / Hurtfics

🚗 Heeseung - Alone

// TW: mentions of depression //

Please don't read if you're in a fragile mental state, take care of yourself

~ Heeseung's POV ~

It's been hard to stay positive lately. For some reason, Enhypen has been the center of a brutal hate-train, and there's no end in sight. And these people have been especially targeting me, as the oldest.

Too old.

Too ugly.

Not talented.

These things have been thrown at me multiple times a day, and although I know it's not true, when you hear and read them so many times, you will start to believe them.

The others, my team members, have been trying to help me, but I made it impossible to approach me. I lock myself into my room every day, and only come out to practice or for meetings.

I am now completely alone.

I can't even cry nowadays. I am empty. I don't feel any emotions, positive nor negative.

~

I was laying on my bed, scrolling through the comments, when I heard a knock at the door.

- Yes... - I answered, sitting up. To my surprise, Jay and Jungwon entered my room. They closed the door and sat down on the couch.

- We need to talk, hyung. This will not go on like this. – Jay started. His eyes were slightly red, I had a feeling that he has been crying.

- About what? I don't want to talk.

- Are you serious? About what? – Jungwon yelled. I never heard him yell like this. – You have been isolating yourself for weeks now, you don't smile, eat, talk, you can barely dance because you're hungry and exhausted! You are not the Heeseung we know.

I just stared at the floor under me. I knew he was right...

- Now, be truthful with me. – Jay continued. – Have you been reading the comments?

No. – I lied, again. the company forbade me rom using social media for the time being, but I secretly downloaded Instagram, Weverse and Twitter. I couldn't stop.

- Hyung... give me your phone. – He reached out for my phone, and I handed it over. – What's the passcode?

- 203011.

He unlocked my phone, and only needed to take a glance, when he saw the icons of the apps. He took a deep breath, and looked at me again.

- What are these?

- It's nothing, I don't use them anyway...

- But you are! Twitter is open and running in the background! Do you enjoy hurting yourself? Is this what's going on? – Jungwon was crying now, and yelling again. I covered my ears. – No, you will listen to me. You are doing this on purpose, and instead of trying to get better, you just let yourself spiral deeper! I can't believe this!

- You don't fucking know what it's like! – I finally found the courage to yell back. – To wake up to messages, that tell you to kill yourself or leave the group! To be called fat and ugly every second of your existence! To work your ass off for years, to give up your childhood for a dream, and then have people tell you that you're untalented and a waste of space!

I got up from the bed, and ran to the entrance. I couldn't be here anymore, I needed to clear my head. Someone suddenly grabbed my arm. Jungwon was holding me back.