Let it kill you (Dabi x reader

Chapter 34

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You laid in the bed not knowing what else to do. Seeing your brother for the first time is 8 years was weird. He had never said goodbye. When you went into his room that morning it looked as though he was never there. Like he never existed and you had to pretend he didn't. And you did with everyone except Jasmine. She's the only friend who had met your brother. You heard her talking to Dabi and you didn't hear him say anything after she was done with the story. What was he supposed to say. You heard Jasmine leave the house and Dabi start walking to the room.

"Hey" he said softly as he sat down next to you. "Are you okay?"

You just laid there and didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. So you stayed silent. He let out a sigh and turned off the light getting into bed with you. Instead of cuddling he put his hand next to yours and you felt his pinky wrap around yours. You let out a small sigh and closed your eyes and tried to go to sleep. When you woke up you rolled over and looked to see if Dabi was still there and he was not. You got up and grabbed a towel taking a shower then changing into a shirt and some shorts. You walked into the kitchen and saw a small note on the fridge.

When you see this get dressed for training. I told shiggy you weren't feeling well and would be late.

You sighed and went to get a sports bra and your bow and quiver then putting on a jacket . You left the house immediately after just walking in silence. You weren't thinking of anything just an empty mind. As you walked you hit your vape and just tried to get out of the head space that your in right now. Your brother being back should not have this effect on you. You knew he wasn't dead but you also didn't know where he was. Before you knew it you were at the hideout. You walked in and saw Dabi sitting there waiting for you.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked and you looked at him.

"I'm okay I just had a moment is all" you said walking to the back and going through the portal that was open.

As you walked out of the portal you saw everyone training. If there was anything that would clear your mind it was this. Nothing took your mind off of things like target practice. You walked over to the targets that they had put up specifically for you. You put on your quiver and tied up your hair with your ribbon before pulling out an arrow. You looked at all the targets they were in different places then last time. You pulled the arrow back and aimed. You took a deep breath and got ready to release it but you felt yourself hesitate before letting it go. You were taken back by what just happened you didn't notice where your arrow had struck let alone that everyone was looking at you.

You looked over at everyone who was looking at you with concerned looks before you looked over and saw where your arrow was. You missed. You missed completely. You didn't even hit the target you hit the stone that it was hung on. You looked there and felt frustrated. You hadn't missed ever. You pulled out another arrow and aimed at a different target this time all eyes on you. You took a deep breath and felt the same feeling you felt last time. You put your bow down for a second to try and compose yourself then pulling back and aiming again trying to push the feeling away before releasing the arrow. You missed.

Again and again you missed and everyone could see you getting frustrated. You tried different angels you tried different targets and nothing was hitting the target. After each arrow missed you felt like you wanted to cry. Why couldn't you hit the god damn target. You had one more arrow. You pulled it out and pulled it back aiming at the target. You pulled back and you felt your head pounding.

"Y/n why don't you take a break?" Dabi said putting his hand on your shoulder.

"No I got this one" you said shrugging his hand off of you.

You kept telling yourself this one would hit the center like always. You released the arrow and closed your eyes as you heard Toga screech slightly. You missed and almost killed Toga.

"If you were aiming for me you were really close" she said trying to make you feel better earning a smack on the head from Compress. "Ow, I was just trying to help" she said.

"Yeah good effort, terrible execution" Jasmine said looking over at her.

Dabi could see your frustration in your body language. You were trying your best to keep it all inside but you could feel it starting to slip. You felt your head start pounding harder then before. Your chest was moving up and down at a rapid rate and you could feel your whole body heat up.

"Hey its okay-" Dabi started to say as he put his hand on your shoulder again before you interrupted him.

"Shut the fuck up" you mumble.

"Y/n don't-" he started as you slapped his hand off of you.

"Dabi do me a favor and shut the fuck up! This is such bullshit!" You yelled throwing off your quiver and throwing your bow as far away from you as possible before grabbing your jacket and walking out.

You were angry. Why was this happening? It was making you mad and you didn't know how to make it go away. You haven't second guessed yourself in a long time so why now? Could your brother really cause this much of a rut for you. After you walked out Dabi went to go after you before Jasmine stopped him.

"Just let her be, she's not in a good headspace right now" she said stopping Dabi.

"What did he say to her to make her feel this way?" Dabi asked.

"I'm not sure but whatever it was we need to let her work through it herself unless she asks for help" she said softly. "She'll ask for help if she needs it just give her time"

Dabi lightly nodded and went back to training. He didn't like seeing you like that and he didn't blame you for your outburst. You were feeling a lot of emotions right now and you needed space and he understood that. As he continued to train he had thought back to what Hawks had asked him. "So then when are you going to stop leading her on" that one sentence had stuck with him for awhile. He was leading you on. He knew he liked the attention however he knew he wasn't good for you but he also knew he wanted to be there for you. He was conflicted. What was he supposed to do. He didn't want to hurt you and he couldn't cut it off right now because you were already hurting but he would have to at some point. But deep down he would never admit that he didn't want too.
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