Drop it like its hot | ᴰᵃᵇⁱʰᵃʷᵏˢ

Shower thoughts

Disclaimer! I think this chapter may be triggering for some people. If you can't read negative and minor self destructive moments, skip after their phone call ends. I don't think it's hard to read but everyone is different.

.    .    .    .    .

Hawks kept his phone pressed on his ear, quietly talking to Dabi while locking himself in his office.

He didn't expect Dabi to come at him with the newest gossip though. "I'm guessing it wasn't in your plan to come out to the public?"

"Oh god, don't start that with me. They tied me to a chair and questioned the hell out of me, but in the end I got away with lying." he sighed and dropped on his chair. Repositioning his wings for comfort. "But some kid leaked information and now everyone thinks I'm gay, I never labeled myself though."

"You mean Deku spread the word? You want me to kill him?" That's a little too harsh?

Hawks chuckled nervously, knowing Dabi was dead serious. "No thanks, I'm gonna make him regret doing that myself. I'll just start the same rumor about him if this doesn't calm down." "Didn't think you'd be the type for revenge little bird."

The villain on the other line walked along the shadows completey masked up, a smile hidden on his lips.

He wondered how the voice of a single person could make him this happy, he was a monster after all. "I bet you'd want me to kill him if you see the comments of your little fans. Want me to read some to you?"

"No, don't! I can guess how they reacted already and I'm not thrilled to see it."

"There's Hawksfeet023 saying-"

"Shut up, please!" Hawks begged and relaxed again at the sound of Dabi laughing at him. Who would choose a username like that!? He couldn't help but grin and lean back in his chair. His chest fluttered with excitement causing his feathers to sharpen.

Again he cut his hand but this time he didn't curse. "Ouch, I cut my hand."

"On your wings again? How cute, thought you had full control over them."

"I do, but sometimes when I get exci-" he interrupted himself.

"When I get distracted they sharpen and I cut myself." Hawks send out a feather to bring him the first aid kit again, it was a wonder he didn't gain any weight being so lazy and barely working out anymore.

"You get excited talking to me?" and so he was caught. Hawks blushed so hard he was thankful to be alone in his office.

He scratched his neck and walked up to the closet. "I don't, now if you excuse me. I need to change." The blonde jumped up from his chair.

"You don't wanna switch to videocall?" "Shut up pervert."

Hawks was about to strip off his shirt but stopped mid movement. He felt dirty. "Actually I should take a shower so imma have to hang up." he got back to his phone with a smirk. Dabi scowled to himself murmuring a disappointed "Already?"

"Sorry Hot stuff, I'd invite you in to shower but I'm at my agency. See ya." Hawks managed to throw in a cheeky flirt and brushed through his hair. "Alright then, see you my little bird." This might be by far the favorite nickname he's got for me.

The blonde stared at his now blank screen for a while, when suddenly there was a deep ache in his chest. Wait, where did this come from? Just because they're not talking anymore or what?

No, it was the realization that hit him. He remembered they would never have a peaceful and loving moment again.

Hawks wondered, how did he go from hating him, to liking him? Looking back, he didn't even realize it could ever hurt like this. He's been in love before, why does this feel much stronger?

Almost like physical pain it burst through Hawks heart, he felt the tears coming but he didn't want to cry. He felt suffocated. It's my fault I ended up like this, why cry now?

He tried hard to keep it together but the tears just rolled down one by one. Like an idiot he kept wiping them away but it got more with each second. "Heros don't cry..." Hawks just slurfed into the attached bathroom, he desperately needed to get a hold of himself.

Only seconds after he was already undressed and under the shower head, it took him longer to do his usual routine. The stinging pain in his chest distracted him.

He kept spacing out. He couldn't even tell if he was still crying from the water hitting him. Cold, ice cold water was what he needed now. Hawks hated cold showers like he hated the hero commission.

Yet he still needed it right now or his throat would close up from surpressing his ugly cry.

Fuck, please make it stop. His inner thoughts were a mess, so he switched the water to cold and held on to the wall for dear life.

So now Hawks froze and scrunched his face, the tears automatically stopped and his body tensed one last time before relaxing. His throat opened up which was a good sign, but now he wasn't able to hold back any sounds. It all crushed down upon him so he turned off the water and started sobbing.

I can't believe I let my emotions get in the way again, what useless hero am I?

Back then, I killed twice for the sake of my friends and the country. But him?

I can't kill the guy I want to give the world to, no matter how crazy and evil he is. He thought and banged his head on the wall, Hawks has never had  self destructive tendencies but he couldn't help it.

So he did it again, but harder.

The throbbing pain cleared his mind for a moment and he straightened his posture.

Stop it now, get a grip and be a hero. You don't have time for feelings. He told himself all over again and this time he snapped out of it. With legs twitching from the cold he stepped out the shower and began drying himself off.

Wow, that was... something. The blonde stared at his expression in his mirror and put the towel around his hips.

Hanging up a single phone call triggered this?

The longer Hawks analyzed his face, the more blood dripped down his cheek from hitting his head too hard. With a big exhale he pressed a bandaid onto the wound and cleaned everything up. Half an hour probably passed just by him standing in front of his sink and thinking.

The cold shower had made matters worse but who would know? Nobody would ever know of this, he was sure of it until there was a knock on his bathroom door.

I locked my office, how did they get inside?

Hawks rushed to put on a bigger towel around his shoulders too when the unknown person knocked again. He hurried to the door and ripped it open, now looking at the face of Endeavor.

"Sorry, Meija called me when she heard you crying. You don't look so good Hawks."

.    .    .    .    .

Published 15.06.23 / 1200 words

Had my very first calve cramp last night, probably the worst pain I've had in my life.