Our Story/TBS imagine

100

I could barely read the headline before my vision was flooded with tears.

'Actor died in extreme car crash'

I listened to the presenters serious voice which never sounded sincere.

"Actor, Thomas Sangster, was coming back to his house in London when his car went over Waterloo bridge. It is thought that he had to swerve quickly as two cars in front of him also collided, no one was injured in the two cars. Thomas was reported dead at the scene. The actor was in USA filming his new film, The Death Cure, the third film in The Maze Runner series in which he played the character Newt. It is unclear as to why he was rushing back to London as he still had 10 weeks left to film. Our thoughts go to his friends and family."

Then the middle-aged presenter went on to her next story.
Not realising how i had fallen on to the floor and was crying uncontrollably.

Thomas was gone.

He was gone and I couldn't get him back.

"WHY!" I screamed which made me cry more. "I want to start again." I repeated.

I felt Hazil lie next to me, I could hear her faint sobs so I pulled her in to a hug.

We lay there listening to nothing but our tears and the news report.

I now lay under my sheets.

I could still hear Hazil crying, though I had sat with her and we spoke as I tried to keep it together.

I spoke to Hazils grandparents who have more asked then agreed to now look after Hazil.

"Y/N," Hazil said as she lay on my lap before "what will happen to you?" She asked.

I couldn't feel my heart anymore "I don't know and that's the truth. I really don't like my life Hazil, but I'll..er... I'll be okay." That's a lie.

I had to speak to Kaya, which was incredibly hard.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry." She sighed.

"Please, stop saying that." She had apologised over 10 times.

"Sorry-"

"What actually happened after the phone call ended, Kaya?" I let a tear roll down my cheek. I wasn't ready to hear this but I would never get another chance.

"Well, after the phone call ended his face lit up. I think he was crying at one point. He started shouting "IM GOING TO BE A DAD! IM GOING TO BE A BLOODY DAD TO MY VERY OWN CHILD!" Now that I think of it, he was crying." I could see her smiling face with tears in her eyes "but then he said "I NEED TO BE WITH Y/N! TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT NOW!" The driver did as he was told. Y/N, he wanted to be with you. He was so excited, he couldn't stop smiling. The last thing he said to me was "Kaya, I'm going to be a dad to Y/N's child. My life can't get any better." Then he left smiling and boarded the plane. He was so happy, Y/N. I promise."

"I should of told him before he went." I sighed.

"You had no way of knowing."

"It's all my fault." I whispered, thankfully she didn't hear. I couldn't give less to a lying prep talk, its simple, if I told him before he went he would of never been in that car.

Now I was sat staring at the ceiling.

I had taken more than usual of my tablets and felt very tired.

"Listen, little guy." I talked to my bump, knowing I wouldn't do it again "I'm sorry about this. But I just can't do this anymore." I began to cry again "the truth is, I hate my life. I hate how I can't get anything right. I thought I could have Thomas and we wanted to have you but things didn't seem like that. I wish I could start again. I just want to meet Thomas again and stop all the bad things from happening. God, I can't think straight" I rubbed my head, I'm so tired. "I'm really sorry little guy, I'm so sorry. I'm...sorry..."

I no longer could keep my eyes open.
I sighed and allowed the never ending darkness of sleep pull me away from my mistakes.