Pretend

Chapter 15

Torrey's POV:

I drove down the road feeling the urge to just hit a speeding car and let fate decide my life. I almost lost it back this evening when I was driving Liv back.

It wasn't just her words that triggered me which is an issue I'm dealing with but it was just everything coming at me at once. I didn't know what I was planning on doing but I knew that I would have accepted whatever may have happened.

I drove down to the nearest bar I can find. Ocupice. Last time I went there was when I saw Maddie. I'm completely froze.

I never freeze.

She made me see a side of me that I never expected. A submissive version. I like it and hate it. I'm always in control but around her, she always the one in control.

I parked in the parking lot where most of the homeless stayed. Makes sense, if I were homeless I rather live near what makes me better.

I lock my car and head down the street into the bar. I brought into by a waitress as she brings me into my reserved booth.

I place my hand on the large round table with a menu in-front of me. The blond waitress gazed at me and I think she wanted more then my order.

"Can I please have an old fashioned jack n cok-"

"She will have an dirty martini" A voice i thought I would never hear from again comes in. Her tight black dress that tightened around her torso showing off her beautiful rounded chest.

Her face was the second that took me always but this time it was different. She looked more matured. I don't know if it was the makeup or just how her weight have grown to her features.

She looked amazing, and better. Wish I had the same progression after him.

"You look good"

She smiled formally and sat down in front of me. She finally looks at me and her eyes trail down on my face. "Wish I can say the same" she points on her cheek. I completely forgot about the scratch.

"You still fighting" she said in a normal voice even when she used to love that I fought. Love. What a strong word. It holds many meanings.

I wish I knew them. "Some of us can't pretend like nothing didn't happen"

My words took an reaction to her. She narrow her eyes at the menu sighing out. "I still think... about it everyday but I'm not going to stop living my life"

It's hard to hear her say what I've been trying to do but I feel so guilty if I even try to have fun for even a second.

Or even try to live... when he isn't.

"I know. Im sorry"

She inhaled the cold air and her brown eyes met mine again. Her eyes were filled with choices. "And" she moves to my side giving me enough space to embrace.

"You should learn to live life too" her words sounded like Vapour. Im barley trying to even wake up in the morning.

But she doesn't need to know that. No one does. "I am living. Couldn't you tell?"

Her eyes trail down to my blue t- shirt that was covered with my coat. "You did get fit" she said in a pleased tone.

Durning her,  I was some skinny girl no one wanted. She never really said it but it was obvious she wanted me to be fitter. To be better.