The Tales Of Crowboy The Incredible: Of Ink and Power

Chapter Thirty Three

       "Why is every ascpect of your life just a trainwreck event after trainwreck event?" Madeline asked, laughing. We were in the middle of Latin class. The situation with French class was kind of weird right now, so for the time being, we were just sitting in Latin class, kind of using it as a free period. I had filled them in on the weird nightmare I had, and then about how I had woken up and saw that Mama was passed out on the ground and then I had to carry her up to bed. And that I had to convince Owen to drive Lennon and I to school and back. Of course, leaving out the magical bit. 

      "I mean, it wasn't exactly a trainwreck. In this case, they were just minor inconviences. You know. Anyway, what's up with you two?" I asked, trying to change the subject. 

       "Not much. I have a piano recital soon, and I'm still editing some videos. Nethan and I are still playing Tears if the Kingdom." Suprisngly, this sentence contained pretty big ascpects of Vans life: piano, YouTube, and video games. Van had a Youtube channel, and it did pretty well. (Not as well as my story, but still pretty good.) Mostly him just talking about the Zelda games. But I thought it was cool. I didn't understand it, but it was cool. 

       "Same. Just working with some kids from synnogage, but other than that, chilling with Gizmo and Banana." Her guiena pigs, which were beloved by all. "Also, working on Duolingo and babysitting my sister." I'm a little ashamed of this, but I really didn't know what Madeline did outside of school. I knew she listened to Science podcasts, but that's kind of it. I feel bad about that. I should text her later. And try to connect with her. I love her a lot- I should treat her like this. 

       "Cool." I said. I wish they would tell me more. I miss being able to do normal things again. I had quit swimming months ago. I liked hearing about normal people lives. Especially with the people I loved. 

      "Alright, friends! Have you finished your chunks yet?" Mrs. Davis yelled. Oh. You know how I said WE treated this class like a free period. Well, you know, it was more like me. I just felt like it was not important. We were probably going to take French next year, and we only need three language credits, and it's just..... not important for me to pay attention right now. I know that we could pay attention because French comes from Latin. But like, why though? 

     Different versions of yes chorused through the room. We weren't supposed to do all of it, but we were supposed to do it in groups. And my group was kind of awful. Maeve and Seth. Seth was fine. But Maeve was bad. And Seth and I laughed would have laughed at Maeve, but sometimes Seth was like "be nice!" and so now I didn't know where to stand. 

     "Vannnn." I whispered. He looked at me, his eyes rolling so badly they were almost in the back of his head, looking at the lint behind of his eyes. 

      "Did you not do your Latin?!" Madeline asked. I gave her a look and then crossed my fingers together. A silent plea for help. "Just do it really fast and ask any questions if you have any." I sighed. I could do Latin. I know I could do it. But it was just so hard. And there were so many words that meant all the same things and then the words meant different things in different context and then I would get confused and spin out od my brain because this whole LANGUAGE was confusing. Plus, we don't learn any conversational Latin. Which is dumb. And that is my war against language, thank you very much. 

      When it got around my turn, I stumbeled over my words. I looked at Madeline and Van, but they didn't try to help me. Tough love. I'm glad they did that. Mrs. Davis looked at me with a disapproving stare. The type of stare that made me know that I was about to have to have talking with her after we all had to present our Latin. 

       I normally sat at the window, in my own tiny island. I don't know why, but I had been placed there all by myself forever, and then when Mrs. Davis finally switched me, I had pleaded to have her move me back. I loved my window. I could sit in all the unproper ways that were unsafe and gave teachers heart attacks. But now, I would sit with Van and Madeline, just because they're fun. And Mrs. Davis didn't try to have motivational talks about how I know Latin and I just need to try harder. 

       Sure enough, after all of the children went around the room and spoke with the weird ass language shit, Mrs. Davis pulled me aside, despite me sitting in one of the best spots to not getting a talking to. 

      "Hey, Felix. Can you please talk to me over by the window over there?" Mrs. Davis asked. I bit my tounge, trying to cut out the ugly statment I was about to make. I looked at my friends, and they just shrugged. I think they were getting done with my shit. Which was reasonable. 

      "Sure." I said, and got out of my chair with a sigh. 

      "You aren't applying yourself in this class. I don't understand why. You're a smart kid. I know you are. But you need to focus and work on it if you want to get anywhere." I opened my mouth to try to protest, but Mrs. Davis cut me off. "And don't say that you don't know Latin. You do. I know you do. I've been with you since 7th grade. Why are you trying to deny that you're smart?" Because I'm not smart. Because my ADHD and Autism is really bad and makes me want to cry. Because I really don't like the kids in my class other than a handful of other children. Because because because because. 

      "I'll try harder. I promise. I just need to work on it." I replied. That seemed to satisfy her for the time being. Mrs. Davis turned on her heel and then walked away. Alright. That was good. 

      "What did she want?" Madeline asked, and I shrugged.

       "Same old you need to apply yourself talk. It's not important. Don't worry. I put a comedical and well placed and well timed spin on the whole thing. Same old Feix, absolutely a comical genuis." I smiled, and Van and Madeline shared a funny expression as they looked at eachother. I wonder what that meant. I'm not sure. But I also don't have the energy to care anymore. 

      I put my AirPods in and tuned them all out as I wrote. I had a story I had been working on for a while, but it didn't really make me happy anymore. I just did it for the feeling of completing something. You know, the "I'm not worthless anymore" vibe. 

       The music made me happy. I was in my villan-main character- badass vibe of music era. Stuff like NF and Dove Cameron and stuff like this. I know that by mouthing the words it gave me a few funny glances, but at this I didn't even care. Music was good. And music was also better than music class. 

      I had a lot of feelings about school. It made me happy to interact with kids. But then again, kids were kids. And kids sucked a lot somtimes. And then it made me feel awful because I didn't know how to do a lot of the stuff because I have fucking mental disabliltes. 

      I don't know. But I had friends. I wasn't always alone. And I wouldn't always be alone. If this life failed, I had the other life. I had the Alt world. And maybe that was all I needed. Maybe I could just disappear in this world and live in the other one. That sounded good. That was a good plan. That was all I needed.