How To Love

chapter fifteen.

"Good afternoon Wawa," he greeted me with a soft smile. I just walked into the kitchen and found him making a smoothie. I woke up after a long sleep, mostly driven by intoxication.

"Hey," I said, a bit gruff. Luckily, wine didn't give me a headache, so I was able to escape a horrible hangover. But my body felt the effects of last night's event.

"How are you feeling?" Thuso asked, taking me in from head to toe.

"Like crap, but also very hungry," I replied, heading for the fridge to see if there was something I could eat from there. "Thanks for the painkillers and water by the side table ." When I woke up to them on the bedside table, my heart swooned at the sight. I didn't need the painkillers, but I appreciate the water because of how dry my throat had felt.

"Why don't you sit down, and I'll prepare something quick for you. And you're welcome." His hands were resting on my shoulder as he guided me to the barstool, not giving me a chance to refuse his offer.

"Thanks," I smiled small. Honestly, I felt too tired to even think about making food, so I appreciated his offer.

"It's good that you're up, there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but couldn't say last night because of the state you were in." My cheeks heated up in embarrassment when I remembered.

"Could we talk after I've filled my stomach? And the image of yesterday isn't so vivid?" I groaned and he laughed, but nodded his head in agreement.

I watched him make the grilled cheese sandwich, admiring the sight of him making a simple task like this, look sexy. Maybe it was just my feelings for him talking, but this man was incredibly attractive. I really needed to vocalise my intentions for him, this beating around the bush wasn't serving me.

A few minutes later, he placed a plate of the grilled cheese, leftover wings from last night, orange juice and grapes on a tray and in front of me. I expressed my gratitude, said a little grace and then dug in like a starved caveman, I was too hungry to care about how that made me look.

He drank his smoothie while I ate my food, and after washing the dishes, we went to sit on the couch in the living room. In that moment, I was thankful for having showered, getting dressed and being ready for the day. Thuso was kind enough to leave clothes for me on the corner chair in the guest room here downstairs, there was already some other toiletries. The way in which this man was thoughtful, I couldn't have asked for a better guy to spend the rest of forever with.

"There was something you wanted to say?" I reminded him.

"Yeah." He scratched the back of his neck, clearly this wasn't something easy. "There is no easier way to say this, so I'm just going to come out and say it. Njabulo confessed yesterday that she was pregnant, and that the baby is mine. I promise I didn't cheat on you, the conception happened a month before our wedding." My heart immediately fell. My eyebrows furrowed, the prickle in my chest making it hard for me to articulate my feelings.

"Oh," was all I could say, too torn by the news to think of more to say. Just as I was trying to navigate these feelings I have for him, and then this, something as huge as this, happened? I was beginning to think that life loved playing a cruel joke on me. First the guy who bullied me is somehow my soulmate. Now that my feelings for him were blossoming into something greater than friendship, his ex is pregnant? Didn't I deserve a break?

"I'm so sorry about this. I know this is a lot, I promise if I could rewrite history, there's so much I'd do better just so you weren't hurt and I didn't have to live my whole life making it up to you due to my past actions. I know I said I was going to make things right with you, but it just seems like I'm making things worse ever since we tied the knot. For that I'm sorry, and I won't be a fool and ask for patience because this is too much for one person to receive," he said but I was not hearing anything, just the rumble of his voice.

I stayed zoned out like that for a few minutes, until I remembered that I was with someone, and that someone expected a reaction from me.

"I hate this situation so much that a big part of me wants to say fuck it to everything and leave. But, after the conversation with my mother about our alignment, I told myself I was going to let everything play out, let destiny take its course. I'm choosing to listen to the small part of me that wants to stay, support you through this, because I can see how much this tears you up inside, because I know this wasn't your intention, but most importantly, because I'm feeling for you something much greater than friendship and I want to give me, and us the chance to explore it. So while I'm not happy at all about this situation, I'm choosing to stay, against what almost every fibre in my being is telling me to do."

I reached out for his hands and clasped them in mine. If my decision made me seem weak in the eyes of women, then so be it. I was so sick and tired of running away, that this time, I decided to face it head on. Should I fail in the end, I'll accept defeat and with it annul the marriage at the end of its term.

But for now, I was going to give us a real chance. After all, if we were soulmates, weren't we supposed to find our way to each other despite how much external and internal forces tried to keep us apart?