How To Love

chapter thirty-three

TW: this chapter may be emotionally intense for some readers , please proceed with caution.

"Are you sure you will be fine on your own?" Thuso asked, worry swimming in his eyes. I decided to take leave from work. I was not in the right space of mind because of what happened yesterday.

Thuso and I were swimming in the blissful Saturday we had, basking in all the love Valentine's Day brought with it. Then Sunday morning, I woke up to my periods and that same wave of disappointment from before overcame me.

I thought I had convinced myself not to expect too much and trust the process when coming to us falling pregnant. However I'll admit that a big part of me was holding up hope that we would be successful this time around, but clearly not, seeing as I was currently on my periods.

Last night, Thuso and I spoke about it deeply. I was assuming the problem lied with me, seeing as Thuso was able to make Njabulo pregnant. The suggested plan was to go see a gynaecologist but I had a deep fear that my worries would be confirmed. So, we concluded that we would wait things out and if after a year we end up failing, I'd go see the doctor, though that condition could be amended should I be ready to go before then.

"Yes baby, I'm sure. It can't be helped that you have to get in today. I'll distract myself with baking, you don't have to worry and I will be just here when you return," I assured him. His worry for me tugged at my heart. Being cared for in this way was such a heartwarming feeling.

"Alright. But if anything changes, call me please, or come into the office if I can't get out of it then. But I promise I'll be back for you as soon as I can," he said. Trust and believe that I melted right there in his arms. I watched him longingly as he got up from bed and walked out the room, but not without blowing me a kiss before shutting the door.

My smile dropped almost immediately after. I dreaded being left alone with my thoughts, but I dreaded going to work even more. I tightly shut my eyes, willing myself not to think too much about things. Within a few minutes, I was out again, the darkness completely consuming me.

I woke up two hours later to my phone ringing. It was Lerato so I swiped the screen to answer it.

"Hello," I replied groggily. Her and I haven't been speaking much lately. We're all just caught up in our lives that we don't talk everyday like that.

"Hey girl, what's wrong? You sound like I just woke you up from a deep sleep, are you alright?" Did I love my best friend? Absolutely. Did I love that she was observant? Damn right. But I sure hated that in this moment that she was because I wasn't in the mood to get into why I wasn't at work.

"Yeah I'm okay. I've just been having a terrible headache and it didn't go away even today, so that's why I am home. What about you though? What's up?" I asked, more alert now. It was unusual for Lerato to call during work hours, so maybe something happened.

"Oh girl, I'm sorry about that. Take the painkillers I gave you last time and get the rest, if you are stressed, deal with that too, because stress can have a negative impact on your physical health," she said.

"Yes doctor," I mocked.

"You mock, but you forget my remedies always heal you much faster. Anyway, enough about your headache. I'm calling because I'm suspecting that Qhawe wants to ask for my hand in marriage and I was wondering if he came to you about it?" My jaw dropped. Whatever little sleep I had left flew out the window.

"What? How do you know all this? Oh my goodness Lerato, this is huge! And no, he hasn't talked to me about anything," I said honestly. I was now sitting up, leaning against the headboard, ready to hear all the details.

"I don't know, it's just vibes I'm getting. Suddenly, he's close with my dad, who you know hates him, or well hated him since they are besties now. And then we are modeling what we want our forever house to look like, and from what we've spoken about, he said he was only going to buy or build a house when he knew he was getting married soon," Lerato explained and I squealed. Man this was exciting!

"Oh my goodness, it's definitely happening! I wonder when, and are you ready?" I asked.

"I know! And I don't know when, it's why I called so I could see if you knew anything. Promise to call when you do. And, yes of course I'm ready! I've been ready for this ever since that man put me in my place at the hospital," she said. I laughed. These two's 'how we met' story was the most hilarious thing ever.

"I won't tell you, I'm pretty sure if he comes to me, he'd want it to be a surprise. I don't care that you hate surprises, I'll let that man surprise the hell out of you," I said and she groaned, going on about how she always knew I hated her. The call finished with her threatening to end our friendship if I didn't tell her, like anything in this world could tear us apart.

Please play the song above for this part.

Around 12:00, I was up and feeling a lot better than I did in the morning, thanks to therapeutic baking. I was planning to make a neutral rainbow cake in different shades of brown, and the actual process of making the cake was what got me distracted. I've always loved baking, it was a past time hobby I developed at a young age. When I was much younger, you'd find me in the kitchen with my mom baking, especially on Sundays. And it helped me a lot then, I was happy that it still helped calm my mind even today.

When the front door opened, I assumed it was one of our workers in the yard so I didn't mind it. But when his familiar scent wafted my senses, my head shot up, eyes immediately connecting with his smiling face. My heart melted for the second time today.

"Ariana, what are you doing here?!" I teased, using the TikTok reference. He burst out laughing, placing the Chicken Licken plastic and a medium sized pink teddy bear on the counter.

"Hello to you too," he said, closing the gap between us. I smiled shyly at him.

"What is all this?" I asked him, pointing at the teddy bear and wings, which I've been craving like crazy. The fact that he remembered when I told him the other day that I was craving them was too sweet.

"I was able to wrap things up before lunchtime. I thought why not come back to my woman and be with her during this trying time." Everyday, this guy showed me why it was him over everybody else.

"Thank you baby," I said then leaned up to kiss him to express my gratitude.

Thuso and I then decided to bake together while I devoured the wings of course. It turned out to be a great bonding session. We didn't talk about my periods, why I wasn't at work, none of the things that would put a damper on our mood.

"Sweeter than sweeter love grows," I started when Beyoncé came on her duet with Luther Vandross, using the spatula I was using to mix the batter of the cake as a mic.

"And heaven's there for those," Thuso joined me when I placed the spatula by his lips, surprising me. He wasn't a better singer than me, but we were both worse.

"Who fool the tricks of time," I continued.

"With the hearts of love they find true love," he sang.

"In a special way," we sang together and he looked straight into my eyes. Just his look pieced together parts of me that felt broken from seeing my periods. He said so much without even uttering a word. I understood to a level I've never understood before how much this man cared for me, and I truly felt like the luckiest girl in the world.