How To Love

chapter seventeen

Thuso's POV.

T/W: abortion, please read with caution.

I sat at the coffee shop in the lobby of the hospital Njabulo and I agreed to have the tests done at, waiting for her to arrive while drinking an iced americano.

The fact that she was pregnant was scary, especially because I hadn't planned nor imagined for this to happen.

A part of me felt bad. Njabulo was my best friend after all, and had Warona not agreed to the marriage, I would probably be doing this marriage thing with Njabulo.

But another part of me didn't. I think deep in my mind, I knew we would never work out as a romantic couple. Our relationship for the most part wasn't healthy. In my opinion, we were better off as friends than lovers.

When she walked in through the sliding doors, I stared at her stomach, trying to gauge if there was anything there. But it looked as flat as it always did. Then again, she was only two months pregnant, so there was that.

I got up from the chair to greet her with a hug, after all, I still had love for her, despite everything. It might not be in a romantic sense, but it was love regardless.

"Hey baby mama, what's up?" I teased, to lighten up the mood. She glared at me, but the intensity wasn't as strong. It made me miss what we had before dating.

"You're forgetting that you're taking me for paternity testing?" She replied sassily. Okay, she got me there.

"A guy needs to be sure. I'm sorry that it's making you feel some type of way. Anyway, you ready?" I wasn't going to change my mind about the DNA testing.

"Actually, about that. There's something I need to tell you, sit down." And then she called for the waiter, deciding to order a tea before finally turning to me.

"What's up?" I asked her when her tea arrived.

"I thought long and hard about the situation, and I came to this conclusion. Carrying your baby was always a goal, but so was you being a present father and a loving partner all at the same time, but it's clear that only one thing will come from this, and I really don't want my child to grow up in two separate households. I love you so much Thuso, and the thought of you with Warona makes me miserable every day. I thought telling you about this baby would make you come back to me, but I see now that that's not the case. I'm done being mad at you, pining over you or even trying to get you back. With that said, I've concluded to abort the baby. It wasn't an easy decision, but this has to be done."

I sat there quietly, letting her words sink in for a moment. I heard all of her reasons, and they all made perfect sense. So tell me why the news that should've brought me relief, brought me a deep sadness instead?

And I knew I couldn't even dispute it. Despite the fact that I had practically denied the child and all, it was her body, and therefore her decision. Mine was to respect it. And most of all, I'm sure the decision was not easy for her to make. And I really didn't want to make this harder for her.

"I hear you," was all I could say. And although I tried to keep the sadness from my voice, my voice did break.

"I know I have no claim or rights over your affections, but I'd really appreciate it if you were there in the appointment with me. I actually booked one for abortion instead of paternity," she said. There was no hesitation at all in my decision, the least I could do, after all of the hurt I had caused her, was be here for her during this very time.

So I walked with her into the room, held her hand as the doctor explained what would happen and through the entire process.

I can't believe the process of abortion was short and uncomplicated. I guess this made the people less uncomfortable about the decision, especially because it wasn't easy.

I sat with Njabulo for the one hour she was placed in the recovery room. We said nothing to each other, but a lot was said in the silence. We both felt the gravity of what just happened. We both felt the loss of the decision she took. And the guilt that consumed me was so suffocating, I couldn't wait until I was alone.

I dropped her off at her place, because she had taken an Uber here, knowing she wasn't going to be strong enough to drive back home.

"I promise I'm fine. My mom's in the house, she'll take care of me. Bye Thuso," she said. And though she has said a lot of goodbyes before, this one felt final. Her eyes welled up with tears, and a longing so evident shone in her eyes. I was on the verge too, and I'm sure mine were showing sorrow, for not being able to give her what she desired.

I looked for the nearest parking lot I could find and then parked my car. A deep sound, which sounded foreign even to my own ears, escaped my throat. I could feel the pain in my stomach and in my chest. My cheeks felt wet with tears, and in that moment, I allowed myself to let it all out. Because despite everything, that baby in there, who the doctor confirmed that she/he was conceived on the same day Njabulo and I last had sex, was mine, and just like that, I would never get to see their face, hear their voice or laugh, or even feel their skin. And I think that's what tore me apart more than the fact that I had been doubtful at first.

I was in that parking lot until 14:00, when it was time for me to go pick up my wife. The thought of her alleviated some of the weight off my shoulders, I couldn't get to her fast enough.

In my excitement and rush to see Warona, to at least escape from what just happened, I missed a stop sign. The next thing I knew, a crash against the driver's side of the car sent it flying across the air, until the impact of the landing of the car knocked me out of my breath. I was unseeing and unfeeling for a moment, and then,

Darkness.

A/N.

I know abortion is a sensitive issue, so let's be kind in our comments about it. Anyone who has ever had to make such a decision, I'm with you in spirit🩷.
I didn't go into much detail, mainly because all I know is through research.

Love, ratty❤️