Me and Leah sat down on the sofa, turning to face each other and crossing our legs. I was nervous for this talk, I hoped whatever she had to ask would bring her a little peace, and I hoped we could try and rebuild what we lost over the past year. I also know that whatever she asked, I'd answer honestly, if anything she deserves to know every detail if that's what she wants.
"Anything you want to ask me, you can ask, I'll answer everything honestly, you don't have to hold back", I breathed out as she nodded and took in a breath.
"What exactly happened? From when you went undercover, how did it go bad?", she asked as I cleared my throat and began explaining everything to her.
"I was in a club where James' right hand man was, my job was to get his attention, get him alone and try and get information-",
"So you had to seduce him?", Leah interrupted me as she clenched her jaw and I just nodded.
"I'm sorry, nothing happened he was just a little handsy", I said avoiding her gaze as I took a sip of my tea.
"You don't have to apologise", she said as she gave my thigh a squeeze as I sent her a smile in return.
"What happened next?", she asked as I continued.
"Everything I did worked, or so I thought. He said he wanted to show me something, so he took me into a room in the back, little did I know, James was waiting there the whole time, they knew who I was the second I stepped into the club. I should have known really, then I felt something in my neck and everything went black", I said closing my eyes, I don't exactly want to relive this but Leah deserves to know.
"I'm sorry Y/N/N, you don't have to tell me the rest I should never have asked you to tell me", she said panicking as I set my tea down, as did she, and took her hands into mine.
"You deserve to know Leah, after everything I put you through, you deserve to know", I smiled at her as she just nodded, I let go of her hands but there was less distance between us as we had moved closer.
"I woke up in some abandoned building tied to a chair, James taunting me everytime I was awake, and when he told me that he didn't kill my dad I didn't know what to think. And he told me there was someone else out there that could hurt you, all of you and that hurt me more than anything they did to me. I know I wasn't in there for long, but it felt like weeks. I was in so much pain, both mentally and physically but the one thing that kept me alive was you", I cried out the last part.
"What do you mean?", she asked with tears in her eyes.
"Everytime they would torture me, I would close my eyes and picture you, your smile, your laugh, just everything about you", I said shakily as she let out a sob. I decided against telling her what they did to me, I couldn't do that to her.
"Next thing I knew, there was gunshots and Paul saved me, I shot James and I asked Paul to help me fake my death", I mumbled the last part as she cradled my face in her hands and I leaned into her touch, she kissed my forehead and then leaned her forehead gassing mine.
"You're here now, you're safe", she whispered as she brought me in for a hug and I sobbed into her chest.
After a few minutes, I calmed down and pulled away from Leah.
"I have a few more questions", she mumbled and I nodded for her to continue.
"Do you regret it?", she asked and I pondered her question for a second. I knew I didn't regret it, but I would do things differently if I had to do it again.
"No", I whispered as a stray tear fell from her eye, "I don't regret it because I kept you safe, but if I was able to go back and change how I did things, I would, and I'm sorry", I said as I wiped the tear from her cheek.
"One more question, you don't have to spare me the details okay?", she breathes out as I nodded, I knew what she was going to ask, but if she wanted to know then so be it.
"What did they do to you?", she whispered as I just sighed.
"Are you sure you want to know?", I asked as she just nodded. I took in a deep breath as I began to speak.
"Anytime I went unconscious, they would either wake me up by electrocuting me with a caddle prod, that's what most of the scars are, or they would throw freezing cold water over me, to be honest I'm not sure which one was worse", I choked out as Leah interlocked her fingers with mine.
"Then they would chain my hands together and attach them to a hook on the roof, my feet was barely touching the ground. At this point I didn't know what was going to happen, but everytime I opened my big mouth 2 of his men would beat me. Then I made the mistake of talking about his brother and he jammed his knife into my side, that hurt like a bitch", I laughed out, trying to make light of the situation but Leah just glared at me as I mumbled a sorry.
Her eyes softened as she asked me another question, I could tell she was trying not to cry and it was breaking me, "how did you get the tiny scar on your neck and the one on your thigh?", she asked softly as her thumb stroked the back of my hand.
"You'd think being tortured was the worst pain I went through but it wasn't", I mumbled.
"What are you talking about?", she whispered confused.
"He talked about you", I whispered as a few tears escaped my eyes, Leah's jaw clenched but when she looked at me her eyes softened.
"He said he was going to pay you a visit, and once those words left his mouth it was like a fire ignited in me, I've never been that angry, so I took a chunk out of his hand with my teeth and then he punched me. He continued to torment me and used a knife and cut open my shirt", I breathed out as Leah looked away and closed her eyes at the last part. I squeezed her hands to get her to look at me.
"He didn't touch me like that, don't worry", I said softly as she just sighed in relief as I continued.
"Once he cut open my shirt, he just looked and said he could see why you like me, I got angry again and he pressed the knife into my neck, that's how I got this one", I said pointing to my neck. "Then he left soon after that but not without sticking his knife in my leg", I finished, feeling a bit lighter after getting everything off my chest.
"Is that everything?", Leah asked sadly as I nodded.
"He was a dangerous man Leah, that's why I had to do what I did, I couldn't let you or anyone else go through what I went through", I said weakly, the conversation draining me.
"I get it now, I understand. God I'm so sorry Y/N, for everything, for how I treated you, for what I said to you", she cried out as tears streamed down her face and she sobbed.
I brought her into me as I lay down on the sofa with her on top of me.
"You have nothing to apologise for Leah, I love you, and I want to try this again, we can go at your pace. But if you want to stay friends then I can do that to, I want you in my life", I said trying not to cry as I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her head.
"I want to try too Y/N, let's take it slow though", she said through her cries as I just nodded, continuing to run my fingers through her hair until she fell asleep. This is progress, I have her back and I'm not going to fuck this up again.
