𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 // 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘭 𝘋𝘪𝘹𝘰𝘯

ᴏᴜᴄʜ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛꜱ

How do you know when you're truly happy? Because I'll feel momentarily happy, when someone makes a joke and I laugh, when Carl speaks to me about his favorite Comics, when Glenn talks about our childhood friendship. But it never lasts, it comes and goes as quick as a car driving down the street.

And I know you can't choose your feelings but I try, I really try, to be happy all the time. Not for me but for the people around me. Because that's what everyone needs right now.

Everyone's around the campfire but I can't seem to join them. Not after what Glenn said earlier. And he's right, it hurts me to pretend to be happy. It hurts more than accepting the fact that I'm not.

I just don't need the group to see me like this. Not crying or anything, just numb. Like all the feelings I've been suppressing these last months are now blocked up, bottled in me. I don't know if I need to scream or if I should stay silent. I don't know if I need to sob or keep my eyes dry, I don't know anything about myself anymore.

My fingers tremble as I try to keep the fork in my hands steady, the pasta stabbed through shakes with every movement and I huff in frustration.

This shouldn't make me feel as weak as I do, I know that having feelings are normal, that everything happening to me is normal. But I still feel the metallic feeling on my tongue, I still throw up beside me.

I sit shaking for a while, not thinking, not moving an inch. "Scar?" No,No, I don't need this, not now.

I sit up quickly, stumbling a bit. "Sit back down-"

"Daryl just stop okay." His eyes are wild with concern, his lips are formed into a frown. This is the last thing I wanted, people feeling guilty or pitying me.

"I'm fine."

"The throw up next to ya tells me something different." I look down at the puke and instantly regret it, the bile forms back in my throat causing me to puke again. I feel a large hand on my back, rubbing up and down.

"You need to relax Daryl, I'm fine." This causes him to shake his head, a light laugh coming from his lips.

"Everyone might believe that but I don't" We make eye contact, stuck in place. His eyes are so pretty, how have I never noticed them?

"You're staring." We both smile, my eyes dropping to his lips.

"And you're not supposed to care about me." His eyes drift to my hand before landing back on my face, an unreadable look on his face.

"Says who?"

"Says me" He shakes his head, his smile wide. 

"And why's that?" His voice is quiet but rough making his question seem less harmless than it really is.

"You know why" I back away a little, feeling suffocated by the closeness.

"I don't" I shake my head, getting annoyed.

"Come up with me?" Daryl points to the top of a rolled over car and I nod. Both of us climb up, helping each other here and there. The breeze is cold up here but it feels nice.

"It should stop being so cold soon." I laugh.

"Is Daryl Dixon making small talk about the weather?" Shaking his head, a laugh escapes his lips and it makes me smile wider.

"Better than the silent treatment." Daryl mocks me, making me gasp in shock. Daryl laughs again, grabbing onto my shoulder for support. I wince at the sudden weight, a shooting pain running up my arm and shoulder. It feels like fire as it dies down.

"What I do?" His expression makes me frown.

"Nothing, my shoulders just been messed lately."

"Here." He puts his cross-bow down, raising both his hands and placing them on my back. I want to move but I can't, not when his hands begin rubbing in fast motions against the cramped up bones.

"That's nice." I speak quietly, suddenly becoming shy. I get even more flustered as Daryl shifts the hair on my shoulder, pushing it farther away from my face.

"Are we gonna talk about it yet or are we just gonna keep ignoring it?" Daryl takes a step back, like his own words surprised him. I look at him with my mouth wide, still in the same position I was moments ago, I don't dare to move.

"Talk about what?" My accent is thick, a sign of how nervous I truly am.

"Daryl, Scarlet, come get food!" Carol yells from the campfire below. I love Carol but I don't know if I want to punch her or hug her right now. Who knows what would have happened if that conversation kept going? Probably nothing, I'm probably just being delusional. Maybe it's the lack of food and sleep finally getting to me.

The next day comes quickly, the sun beaming down on all of us like an alarm clock. I want to say I got a goodnight sleep but I would be lying. I guess it's hard to sleep when I got the sound of walkers and Rick pacing in my ears.

"You up?" Carol swats at my leg causing me to rise from the hard grass I called a bed for the night. I nod, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

"Where is everyone?" The field is almost fully empty, only Daryl and Rick stand at the bottom of the trail by the fence.

"Getting changed, it's like a hundred degrees out here."

"Was I sleeping for that long?"

"Yeah but that's alright." Carol smiles, looking down at me. Carol reminds me of my mom in all of the best ways. She's so kind but strong, smart but quiet and sneaky. There's not a doubt in my mind she'll outlive us all.

"I better change too, it's fucking hot" Carol swats my arm causing me to look at her confused.

"Don't swear."

"Yes mom" Walking away, Carol laughs loudly.

I grab my worn out, red backpack, and groggily make my way towards the watchtower. I miss coffee. The door creaks open, the heavy metal pushing against the ground. But that's not the only sound I hear.

"Is anyone in here?" my voice echoes against the cement walls. No reply, I guess not.

I quickly pull out my extra pair of black tennis shorts and put them on, stripping myself of the hot jeans I slept in. I take off my hoodie to reveal my red tank top, pulling it up a bit, I rip the elastic band off my wrist and into my hair.

"Glenn." Nope. There's no way. I could have gone my whole life without hearing that. My face pales and my feet work quickly, sprinting out of the watchtower.

"Scarlet?" Rick yells from the other side of the field, the rest of the group standing with him now.

"What?" I yell back, my breath quickening until I finally come to a stop.

"Is there a walker or something, why are you running?"

I pant for a second, my pointer finger in his face while I try to catch my breath. "Glenn and Maggie." I make one hand an "O" and my pointer finger goes through it, causing Rick's face to drop and T-Dog to snort.

"Well we need their help." Carol says, standing with her hands on her hips, a grin on her face.

"Glenn!" Daryl shouts, his accent making me giggle.

Sure enough, Glenn walks out of the top of the tower with only his pants on, tugging and fixing the belt.

"Ya coming?" This makes me burst out laughing, Carol puts her hand on my mouth.

"What?" Glenn asks, obviously thinking what I'm thinking.

"Are ya coming?" This time Maggie walks out, her hair messy and shirt barely on.

"Y-yeah we'll be down in a minute."

We all smile.

Maybe the prison won't be such a bad thing.