𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 // 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘭 𝘋𝘪𝘹𝘰𝘯

ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛꜱ

The first time I noticed my mom was dying was when she started acting strange. She was normally quiet, a trait learnt over years of abuse, but something was off. Somehow, she was even more quiet than normal. I would look at her weird, watching her every move, trying to figure out what was wrong. I didn't know then but that would be one of the last times I'd be able to observe her at all. 

Life moves quickly like that. One second someone you love is right in front of you, listening while you tell them a story, laughing after you tell them a joke, brushing your hair for you. The next second they don't feel human anymore, just a memory, almost a figment of your imagination and so damn far away. 

I'd like to think my mom would be proud of me. Proud of the woman I've become and the hardships I've had to overcome to do so. Another part of me winces at the thought of her watching as I kill people, people who were just trying to live as we were. Wincing at the thought of her watching me fail to protect people, time and time again. Maybe we both have that in common though, she never seemed to be able to protect me from my father. 

I'm sitting on our front steps, the hot wood acting as some sort of comfort as I stare off into space, wishing I could be anywhere but here. Maybe my bed even. Rick speaks to us, instructing us on what we are going to do with Jesus, but it's nothing but fuzz in my ears, background noise to the overthinking swallowing me whole. It keeps me glued to my spot on the stairs, unmoving. It feels like I'm not breathing either, my breathes shallow and my vision blurry as I stare ahead of me. 

I've felt eyes on me this whole time but I don't look up, afraid everyone will be looking down at me, questioning me, disappointed in me. Finally they start moving away from the house and in blurs, head down the street. The weight beside me shifts as Daryl gets up, the door swings open and Rick's boots clink against the stairs as he walks up them, shutting the door behind him. I jump at the sound, suddenly coming back to my senses. What's going on with me? 

Though I think I'm finally alone, I can still feel eyes on me and I look up, making eye contact with Glenn who stares at me with a sympathetic look. He continues to stare at me motionless for a second before waving me over with his hand. Glenn watches me cautiously, eyeing me up and down as I stand, my vision going slightly blurry. I shake my head and walk down the stairs, heading towards him. 

"What do you want?" I snap, taking a sharp breath at my tone. Glenn places his hand in my own, lacing our fingers together as he starts walking and I follow. We're walking in silence for a while before we stop before the little garden, looking down at the now almost fully blooming fruits and veggies. "What's going on Glenn?" I ask, my tone nicer this time. 

He closes his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "I'm supposed to be asking you that." He mumbles, opening his eyes to look down at me. I shrug, diverting my eyes back to the soil beneath us. "You know you can talk to me, right?" 

I nod quickly, finally looking back at him. It's hard not to picture him as the small boy I once knew him as. "I know Glenn, thank you." Glenn nods, smiling. 

"I'll always be here for you Scarlet, I think you know that but I know sometimes you forget that we all love you as much as you love us." He says, a genuine look of love on his face. Getting a little choked up I look back down at my feet standing on the plush garden grass, nodding silently. 

"Is it stupid that I'm worried that things have been good for too long?" I ask and Glenn says no quickly. 

"I've been worried too, especially with Maggie pregnant." He brings a hand to the back of his neck. "It's nice, the normalcy lately, but it's also fucking terrifying." I nod, finally letting out a deep breath I've been holding onto. It's nice knowing someone understands.