𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 // 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘭 𝘋𝘪𝘹𝘰𝘯

ʙᴀʙʏ?

I once said Daryl and I weren't like a romance movie. That we would never buy each other roses or build houses. I'd like to think that's still the case. Even after all we've been through, we still feel distant, like there's something missing.

At first I thought it was me, that my past was making me question the future. That I was being too cautious to let someone in. But ever since doing it for the first time, Daryl seems off.

Not in the normal ways people seem "off". He hasn't been crying or angry, yelling or deathly quiet. He just seems distanced. Like all of this is all too much for him.

When he told me he was going on the run this morning it didn't surprise me. Not when he's been going on as many runs as he can. I wasn't angry in the morning and I'm certainly not now. I know that we don't get to live normal lives, that Daryl and I will have bumps along the road because our roads have been torn up our whole lives, but I need him right now.

I need him standing in front of me, his hands on my shoulders telling me I'm okay. That this is all okay. That he won't get scared and shut himself off, that we'll work through this together. But that's just dreams.

What hurts the most is knowing Daryl is nothing like my father. That he would never hit me, yet him dodging me feels like a slap to the face.

Especially now, sitting on the tiles of the bathroom, my knees up to my chest and my heart beating out of control.

Images of Lori flood through my head and I squeeze my eyes shut. Stop, I tell myself, you need to stay calm.

Tugging on my hair, a single tear falls before what feels like thousands do. And I let it out.

Because I've killed people, been threatened by people, watched loved ones and family die, but I wasn't afraid like I am now. It makes me feel like I'm a child again. Like I'm sitting on my bed, my back aching and my fingers numb. The black eye already cemented in, no way to cover it.

After Hershel gave me the test he walked me to the bathroom. It was a long task and I felt like my legs were going to snap with every step.

I know things are different, that the prison is safe. I know we could actually have a solid chance but there's something inside of me, pieces of my father, that yell at me for being so naïve.

Sure Daryl and I are in an okay place now. But what will happen tomorrow?

The metal door to the bathroom opens slowly, Carol's head pops up through the crack, an unreadable look on her face.

I study her face as she scans her eyes across the room. Her expression drops to one of pity as soon as she sees me. Shutting the door quickly, Carol shuffles over, kneeling in front of me.

"Oh sweety, what's wrong?" Her voice is soothing, it contrasts my sobs. Realization that I miss my mother more than ever hits me and I shudder.

"Carol" I sob out, flinging myself into Carol's body. She wraps her arms around me quickly, providing me with comfort only she knows she could give me right now.

"I know Scarlet, I know." Her cold hand runs through my hair, the other patting my back.

Who knew the thought of having a child could make me such a wimp?

"You don't" I mumble like a child, holding onto Carol even tighter. I'm sure I'm choking her but she never stops, never gets up or moves. Instead she stays in her spot, soothing me for what feels like seconds but must be ages.