𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 // 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘭 𝘋𝘪𝘹𝘰𝘯

ɢᴇᴛᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴀɴᴅꜱʏ

Beth hasn't shut up about how cute the baby is. She speaks to the little thing in a high pitched tone, one that makes me want to cut my ears off. 

I really wish I could have gone with Daryl. But with Rick off the rails and Carl completely shut down, Glenn suggested I stick around with him. 

I can't help it though, the feeling in my chest. It's been stuck there ever since Daryl left. And without T-Dog here to lift my spirits and Carol to make sassy comments, I'm stuck sitting on the ground with my legs close to my chest.

When we came to the realization that Carol and T-Dog didn't make it, it was like we got hit by a semi. Like our car had already flipped and they ran through and hit us one last time anyway.

Glenn walks over to me, his face is tired and dirty. His clothes are no better, his once dark green shirt is now a strange brown along with his jeans. "Hi." He stats with an exhausted smile, sitting down slowly next to me.

We both sit with our back against the wall, staring at the cells in front of us. Beth already took the liberty of decorating hers, a small picture hung on the back wall. "Hey" My voice is scratchy and I cough a few times.

Glenn hands me his bottle of water and I take it quickly, sipping on it until there's less than half left.

"Don't drink it all!" Glenn tries pulling the bottle from my lips causing it to spill down my chin and onto the concrete floor.

"I wasn't!"

"Yes you were."

We both stare at each other, glares on our faces until I burst out laughing, the water left in my mouth comes flying out and onto my jeans. This makes Glenn laugh, holding onto his stomach and rocking.

"You guys alright?" Carl stands a few inches away, looking down at us like bugs. Glenn keeps laughing and I send Carl a wide smile, motioning for him to sit with us. He briefly smiles and sits in front of both of us, picking at the jeans he's wearing.

"Are you alright?" Glenn instantly stops laughing at my question and suddenly I feel like I asked the wrong thing. Maybe I could have waited?

"Yeah I'm okay." Carl sighs.

We sit in awkward silence until I raise my fist in front of me. Carl looks at it confused before looking at me. "Bump it."

Carl giggles and it's music to my ears. I smile so wide it feels like I'm breaking my cheeks. My knuckles meet with his softly and he smiles too. 

The first time I asked my mom what it's like to love someone, I had only been eight and it was after I watched Cinderella for the first time. She smiled at me before explaining love to me for almost an hour. Her smile didn't even fade when she spoke of my father.

The second time was when I was fifteen. It was only a few weeks after I had been raped by one of the men outside our building and for some reason I thought it was because he loved me. I guess after watching the countless times my dad choked my mom in the kitchen or hit her in the car, I figured it was just a part of love. She didn't smile this time, instead she wore a small frown.

 I can still remember how sick she got, how skinny and fragile. She didn't look like herself, like my mom. She sat down after I asked my question, her eyes sunken and purple around the edges, dad had hit her a week ago.

When she didn't speak for a while I did, I asked her how you know you love someone. She sighed, fidgeting with the cloth on her shoulder. "When you like every single bad thing about them." Was all she said.