𝘐𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 // 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘺𝘭 𝘋𝘪𝘹𝘰𝘯

ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ.

(Short chapter :( ) 

Ava's sweet smile is the first thing I see when I open my eyes. The sun is rising now, birds humming in the distance. I can tell we're by water too, the soft hum of a nearby creek is almost so peaceful, I have to force myself not to fall back asleep.

"Scarlet?" Her voice is wobbly, full of fear. I nod my head, the tiny movement sending waves of pain all throughout my body. Ava watches as I try and fail to sit up, cries of pain leaving my cracked lips.

 Placing a tiny hand on my chest, she keeps me steady. We're still in the forest, the trees sway all around us. "Ava?" My voice is dry, barely a whisper.

"Don't talk, it's going to be okay Scarlet." She smiles again, "I saved you just like you saved me."

Tears form in my tired eyes as I nod again, too tired to speak. The young girl sighs, wrapping her arms around her knees that are squished into her tiny frame. "I only did it because of your lessons, I mean without them I wouldn't have known to defend you."

I smile, shaking my head this time. "Ava" I cough, "You never needed me, you were strong from the moment I met you."

Her smile is so wide I'm scared she's going to stay like that forever.

 "What happened Ava?"

Her smile drops instantly. "You-" A tear breaks onto her face. "You needed help" Taking a deep breath she continues. "That man was hurting you." I nod my head in agreement but push farther.

"What did he do Ava, what do you think is hurt?"

"He was kicking you pretty hard." Another tear rolls down her flushed cheek and I attempt to wipe it away, the action causing my arm to sting in pain. "And you've been" a soft sob escapes her thin lips. "You've been bleeding."

"Where?" Raising an eyebrow, I lift my head gently but see no signs of cuts or scrapes. Ava points to my pants and my vision goes blurry. In a second my breathing becomes slow and shaky. If it weren't for Ava being here I would be a mess right now. 

The air suddenly feels thick, like it's pulling me down. And every time I try to breathe, nothing comes out. I can tell by the look on Ava's face that I'm scaring her. But I'm scared too.

"Scarlet?" Usually my body would have shut down at this point, falling into my usual stress induced pass out, but my body is awake, my brain running wild and my blood turning cold.

A sweat falls on my body, suddenly I'm hot. Ava just sits watching me, her eyes wide and frantic, her hands shaking. She calls out my name again but I stay silent, shaking my head rapidly now. This can't be happening.

I could come around to the idea of Lori dying and losing T. The idea that my father never truly loved me. But I can't come to terms with this. This was supposed to be the beginning of the end, the end of floating around, waiting for something to happen.

This baby was supposed to give me a reason. A reason to live, a reason to stay. Since Daryl has given up on me.

The thought of Daryl only makes my brain run faster, the world is spinning all around me yet it's still.

"Scarlet?" Ava's voice is laced with a new worry and it brings me back to reality. Looking at the ground for a moment, my vision goes back to normal and I make eye contact with a walker not far from the little girl.

Anger flashes through me like lightning, shocking my veins and warming my soul quickly. They will not hurt her.

Using every muscle left in my body, I haul myself upwards with a cry. It feels like someone is snapping my bones from the inside out.

Walker after walker comes and I ward them off. With each blow I think back to all my friends, my family who are now all dead. I push through the pain because it's all I've ever known.

"Ava?" I scream, plunging my knife into the head of a walker before whipping my head around. But I don't find Ava sitting on the ground like she was seconds ago. I scream again, the action falling short when an exhausted sob escapes my chapped lips.

The forest goes silent for a second before a loud scream is returned, not far from what sounds like a stream up ahead. Forcing my body towards the sound, I push my legs to work until I'm met with the sight. The sight of a walker hunched over something.

It works quickly, it's tall frame facing away from me. He wears a dark blue shirt, the sleeves bloody and torn at the ends. Right where he picks at the skin below him. I gulp, my legs wobbling as I slowly creep towards the walker.

Maybe it's the lack of energy, the injuries, or the loss of a baby I never really got the chance to have, or maybe it's because there's still a hopeless child, begging to be loved, locked far away inside of me. But I whisper her name. Her soft, sweet face appears below the walker's hands as he moves them away.

and I go silent. The world around me goes silent. Everything is quiet. The trees aren't moving, the water has stopped. The walker even seems confused.

Ava is dead. And it's my fault. 

When someone's alive you don't seem to appreciate their presence half as much as you should. You don't laugh as hard as you should at their jokes, smile when they talk, count the hours you spend with them.

It isn't until they're gone that you realize that every moment you had with them was precious. Or maybe that's just life.

Under appreciated moments, moments you'll never get back, never be able to experience the same way again.

I'd like to think I appreciated Ava. But I also handed her off to Maggie and Glenn the moment we got back to the prison.

Guilt eats away, leaving a heavy thump at the back of my throat. You could have done more, it whispers. You're a terrible person.

I've been sitting next to Ava's dead corpse for hours now. It must be the next day because the sun is fully out, the birds chirping loudly. The stream nearby runs rapidly and the thought of water is teasing me but I deny myself the right to drink, not when she can't.

She's so cold. Her hands are purple, her hair isn't flowing or poufy like it is when she doesn't brush it. She's still Ava but Ava isn't here. 

Letting out a shaky sigh, I run a blood soaked hand through my greasy hair. It seems to be longer than the last time I touched it, maybe time is just moving quickly now.  It can't be though, not when everything I do feels like it's in slow motion, like my legs will collapse from under me at any moment.

Lifting her tiny body, my body cracks. Even as I place her in the hole I dug, my body begs for me to stop. I don't though, not until her body is fully submerged, a flower laying on top of her makeshift grave. She deserves more than this. She deserves to be buried next to her mom and dad, people who truly loved her. Not alone in the middle of the woods, next to the walker who did it. She'll be alone the second I walk away from this stream.

Ava begged me not to leave her with those people. Now I'm leaving her all alone, forever.

 "I'm sorry." I tell her grave, picturing her tiny frame standing in front of me. Her forgiving smile, her pink cheeks. She was so innocent, so kind. What did I do?

The feeling of fire shoots up my leg, resting in my stomach. Crouching, the pain doesn't go away. My body is making me pay for what I did. I was supposed to protect her, to protect this baby and I couldn't do it.

And now, I'm all alone.