Unexpected

Chapter 29

Mallory

I head home, feeling pleasantly tired after the work-out. I'm not sure how happy I'll be about it tomorrow when the soreness kicks in. It's just this kink in my neck that is annoying at the moment. Trying to drive is fun. Every time I  need to turn my head, I am reminded how poorly out of shape I am. Dane had instructed me to do only the bare minimum weight amount, but it seemed so easy that I added more than he instructed, so now, I'm paying for my disobedience.

Once home, I pop two Ibuprofen and jump into a hot shower, letting the hard jet beat down on my neck and shoulders. After the lengthy soak, I get out and towel off. While I'm drying, my phone alerts that I have a text message. When I pick it up to see who it is from, I nearly drop my phone. Josh's name is flashed across my screen. He has not called or texted me since the incident. Beyond the one time he tried to confront me in the lounge, we have not spoken to each other. I knew he wanted to just by how he stared at me when our paths crossed at work. But I guess between my hard glares or denial of his very presence, he never got up the nerve to try again.

Why now? It's been a month since I moved. I'm now three hours away. What's the point? I tell myself the only way to know is by opening his message. A part of me, most likely the wiser part, is saying to just delete it and then block him like I should have done long ago. But curiosity killed the cat, and I'm definitely a cat lover, so I open it against all better judgment.

                  Hey, this is Josh in case you have deleted my contact from your phone. I know you told                   me to leave you alone, and I have tired. I was even glad when you resigned, thinking                           maybe not seeing you would get you off my mind. But it hasn't. I don't know if it is my                       guilt or regret, but I need to tell you how sorry I am. It was such a horrible thing to do,                      and I regret it so very much. What was supposed to be guys just having a bit of fun,                              turned into something I am not proud of. But in addition to that, I feel that I not only lost                  a stupid bet, but most likely the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't expect you                  to believe me, but on the off chance you do and maybe miss the good times we shared,                    would you consider giving me a second chance? 

I set the phone down in disbelief. So many emotions are racing against each other in my head. Anger: how dare he? He waits this long to make a move for forgiveness, AND has the audacity to hope I'd give him another chance after he sends his 'I'm sorry' text. Sadness: because if I'm honest with myself, I do miss him. It was mostly good before it became really bad. I have never before felt the way he made me feel. I thought I was falling in love for crying out loud. Fear: that I have already forgiven him and would take him back if he was here in person saying these things to my face. If he was reaching out to hold me, I don't think I could resist, and that scares me. Depression: why am I not stronger? Why do I love a guy who hurt me like he did?

I put on my robe and head to the refrigerator. I grab a bottle of wine, pop the cork, and drink straight from the bottle. I know this is not the answer, but I just want to numb myself from having to deal with deciding on an answer if only for one night anyway.