Unexpected

Chapter 38

Mallory

I let the hot water beat down over me long after I've washed my body and hair. An occasional tear might mingle with the water cascading over my face, but I'm more angry than sad. I'm angry at Dane, but mostly, I'm angry at myself. I don't understand why he became so defensive. It's not like he didn't know Jonathan and I talked. He didn't even let me explain before accusing me of setting up a date with Jonathan only moments after I was about to be intimate with him. Does he really believe I'm that kind of a person? Yes, Jonathan did ask if I was available to go out, but I told him that I'd have to get back with him on it. I currently have a lot of stuff going on. We chatted for a few more minutes, with him mostly telling me how well he did on his last exam. Nothing inappropriate. Nothing that deserved the way Dane reacted.

But, if I should be mad at anyone, it should be me. What was I thinking? What was I about to let happen? I can't trust myself around Dane. He does something to me when he looks at me in that certain way he does from time to time. It is almost like he loves me. There's this softness that enters his eyes even before the heat of desire starts to consume us. It's THAT look that turns my mind to mush, and I will literally do whatever he wants. But I must be mistaken, just seeing what I want to see. He can't love me and then says,'Of course' he plans to see Natasha in the near future with his tone, indicating why would I ever think differently. He even said it himself when he was speaking about Josh being with another woman while we were dating; that is not love. That's just a hook-up, a fun way to pass the time, and THAT was all it ever was or will be to him. And I almost went through with it! Why do I keep hoping for more?

Because I am an idiot, that's why. And now I'm here alone with the possibility of Josh still lurking around. He still hasn't responded to my text. It is unnerving. Maybe I should call Jalisha and see if I can go hang at her place for a bit. I gasp suddenly at the realization that I don't have my car with me. I refuse to do the walk of shame and ask Dane to take me to go get it. Maybe she could come over here, I think, but a loud clap of thunder reminds me of the ongoing storm that is raging outside. She has a husband and two small kids. I couldn't ask her to leave them to make me feel better. Adulting sucks. I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. I'll figure out the car situation tomorrow when,hopefully, there's not a monsoon going on outside. 

I make a quick dinner and go from watching a movie to reading a book as the day turns to night. My phone pings a message alert, and my heart starts to beat a little faster as I reach for it. I'm partially relieved to see it's from Dane.

                               I'm sorry for everything.

It does tug on my heart some, but I set the phone back on the coffee table without responding. I just don't know what to say, at least for tonight. I need more time and some distance to figure out what I want. Thirty minutes later, just as the story I'm reading is getting good, the power goes out. The storm has continued off and on all afternoon, and round three seems to be the worst one yet. 

"Great," I mutter and get up to light a few candles around the house. I'm lighting my last candle when there's a knock on my side door. I grab my largest kitchen knife and set it on the counter near the door just in case. But when I crack my door open, I see Dane on the other side, so I open it even wider. He has his hands braced on my door frame with his head hanging down between them. He lifts his gaze from the ground to meet mine. Little rivulets of water are trailing down his face from his wet hair. When I don't say anything, he looks away toward the yard for a second, seeming at odds with what to say or do next. He does eventually look back at me and then states calmly,

"You can't not respond to me. Not when you have a crazy ass ex stalking you, not when you don't even have your fucking car, and not when the power goes out and you're all alone. I . . . I need to know you're okay."

The sheer concern and distress in his expression alone has me reaching out and grabbing his damp shirt to pull him inside. Once I shut the door and turn to face him, he starts apologizing.

"Mallory, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I was just so angry that I said some stupid shit. I don't want to hurt you . . . I just don't know how to do this."

"Do what?" I whisper with my heart hammering in my chest.

He takes a step closer to me and tucks a stray hair behind my ear.

"Be with you," he says softly, trailing the tips of his fingers along my chin, making me shiver. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to clear my head and stay focused. When I open them, I look at him beseechingly.

"But, I don't know what that means." I want him to clarify what 'being with me' means to him exactly. I hold my breath, knowing so much relies on what he will say next.

"It means . . . I'll do whatever it takes. What do you want from me? Tell me, and I'll do it."

His hands are cupping my face as his eyes desperately search into mine. I reach up grabbing his wrists and pull his hands away.

"I can't do casual, Dane. I need commitment, and not just one-sided. I want the fairy tale."

"Just give me a chance, I believe that I can change . . . to be with you, I'm willing to try."

I crash into his chest hugging him tightly. His arms encircle me as well, and he rests his head on top of mine. I feel his warm breath of relief as he exhales. After a moment, I pull back to look up at him.

"So just to clarify, no Natasha's or Red-heads, just me. That is what you want?"

He softly smiles down at me. "Only you."

He leans down and kisses me slow and gentle, reverently. I take him by the hand and lead him through the flickering candle light to my bedroom.

Much later, when all the candles have burned out and the storm outside has subsided, we lay in the dark, holding each other close. My head rests on his chest with his arm wrapped around me. He draws lazy circles on my lower back with his finger tips. I'm enjoying free reign in tracing every single dark tattoo on his body with my own fingers, and maybe an occasional kiss or two. He sighs sounding every bit as content as I feel. A devilish grin etches across my face as I comment,

"I guess I'll have to cancel that date with Jonathan that I never made."

He abruptly stops rubbing my back.

"He did ask you out?"

I look up at him and answer.

"He did, but I told him I was currently busy and would have to get back to him on it." I sit up to emphasize my next statement. "I could never do that, you know, be with you like this and plan to do anything with him or anyone else for that matter. I want you to know that."

He caresses my face lovingly.

"Good, because I plan to keep you very busy for a long time."

He then begins to prove his point yet again.