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My eyes did not leave Thomas's dead body. The only thing I thought about was the last thing Thomas said to me.
I was shaking. I couldn't get up. Maggie tried getting up but was helped by Sasha.
Sasha told us that she would help Maggie to get to Hilltop.
Dylan than came over to me.
He reached out his hand to me but I didn't take it. Tears were forming from my eyes, the shaking did not stop.
Mae. Dylan said as he put his hands on my shoulders.
I know okay, I feel your pain. Dylan said.
With those words I looked at Dylan. I saw how much pain he was in. Not only did he lose Thomas, but he just saw his sister get taken right in front of him.
I took Dylan's hand. He tried to guide me to the RV, but I let go of his hand and went to Thomas's body.
Mae we have to go. Dylan said.
No, not without him. I'm not going back without him. He needs to come back home. Not in Hilltop, in are home. I said as I sobbed.
Rosita than came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.
He is. Rosita said.
Rick and the others helped bring Thomas to hilltop.
Once they buried Thomas's grave I never left it. I stayed their all night and all day.
Aaron would try to get me to leave but I wouldn't. Dylan stayed with me, not during the night. but During the day he would stay with me and tell me all types of stuff about Thomas. Part of me loved that, but the other part hated it. It remined me that the man that I loved was gone.
During that night Dylan came to me.
Mae, you need to go home, you have been here for days. You need to rest. Dylan said.
I ignored him.
Mae, I know how it feels okay. Everyday I have to wake up knowing that my brother is dead and my sister is with Negan, and I don't even know if she is alive or dead. But we need to keeping moving, keep fighting, for them. Dylan said.
Dylan than convinced me to go home, but when I did I did not feel like I was home, It felt like I was at s stranger house.
I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the Mirer. When I saw my hair I remembered how Thomas used to play with it.
Tears started forming at my eyes. I wanted it off. I couldn't live with my hair being long anymore. Evetime I looked at it I was reminded by Thomas's touch.
I grabbed the scissors, cut half my hair off. My hair was at my shoulders. I felt sick to my stomach, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think. The only thing I felt was pain.
Eric made some spagati, it's your favorite. Aaron said.
I'm good thanks. I said.
Well you wanna help me with a run? Aaron asked.
I didn't answer.
Mae, I know right now it seems things can't get better bu-
Don't. Don't say things get better Aaron. How can things get better? I said as I turned to face him.
And don't say Thomas would want me to move one. Okay, you have no idea what he would have wanted. You wanna know how I know that. BECAUSE HE'S DEAD! He is dead and he is never coming back! I yelled. My hands started shaking.
Get out. I said.
Mae. Aaron said.
I SAID GET OUT! I yelled.
Aaron than left room.
It was like that for days. I would not let anyone tell me about what they think Thomas would want.
The next day Dylan came. He didn't say anything he just sat on the bed.
Mae, I want to show you something, you don't have to come with me if you don't want to. But I think it will help. Dylan said.
I just looked at Dylan for a moment. I decided to see what he wanted to show me.
He took me to his house and guided me to Thomas's room.
No, Dylan I'm not going in their. I said.
I know, but the day after Thomas died, I refused to come to this house. Remined me of my siblings, but then I came here and went into Thomas's room. And I just let the memories flow. And it felt like Thomas was with me that whole time. I still come in here and I go and visit Thomas's grave everyday. But than I remembered that my sister is still alive and she needs my help. I'm going to kill Negan, and Simon, and the rest of the saviors. But to do that I need to let myself grieve first. Just trust me. Dylan said.
Dylan than opened the door, and I went inside.
I'm right here if you need anything. Dylan said.
I nodded. '
I looked around the room, memory after memory came into my mind. Each more painful than the last.
I went over to Thomas's bed and picked up this black shirt he always wore. Tears came and came. I than put the shirt on, and smelled the scent. It felt like Thomas was still here with me. But than the memory of his death came back into my mind. My hands started shaking, I felt my stomach feeling pain and sick.
I ran to the bathroom and throwed up. Dylan came running into the bathroom to make sure I was okay.
Mae you okay? Dylan asked.
No, I'm not. I was going to tell him. I said.
What? Dylan questioned.
I swear I was going to tell him, after we would get Maggie safe, I was going to tell him. I said as I kept on crying.
Mae, breath tell Thomas what? Dylan asked.
I- I'm pregnant. And I never got to tell him. I was going to I swear. I swear I was. But now I can't. Ne never got to know. I said as Dylan pulled me into a hug.
Shh, I know he would have been happy about it. Dylan said.
