Subtle Differences | Junhao oneshots

What is it I want - An explanation

Hi my lovelies! I apologise if some of y'all found 'What is it I want' hard to understand, but it was my first attempt at writing a poem and I know it isn't the best. I'm open to improvements / opinions / critics though!

Anyway, I thought it'd be good if I (attempt to) explain what the poem is about, for the benefit of those who want to see my thought process. This "analysis" will be segmented by the different stanzas, and then a general overview in the end.

1st stanza:

What is it that I want
streaming down the cotton field
just the white brushing my cheek
acid against my lip

"What is it that I want" is a recurring sentence throughout the poem, as can be seen repeated 4 times (twice exactly the same, but the other two times is tweaked slightly). The significance of this sentence I will elaborate on later. In this scene, I tried to deploy the use of imagery to describe the speaker running through a field of cotton. It's very much inspired by the reels you'd see on Instagram, where people are happily prancing through fields of flowers etc. This is supposed to connotate a very joyful start to the poem and how the speaker seems to be carefree. "Acid against my lip" is basically the speaker drinking lemonade, another fun thing you'd do on a picnic / outing. The whole stanza has an energetic and cheerful feel to it.

2nd stanza:

What is it that I want
when sand flies up in a flurry
salt tears in the ocean
roiling islands sinking deep

Again, the stanza starts with "what is it that I want". It is kind of obvious (use of italics) by now that the speaker is thinking this particular line to themselves, and most likely in a reflecting sort of way. This stanza once again describes another fun scene, taking place oceanside. "Sand flies up in a flurry" depicts someone running freely along the beach, kicking up sand. "Salt tears in the ocean" is repeated later, but for now has the meaning of nothing more than the salty seawater. "Roiling islands sinking deep" is a somewhat background view of deserted islands far away from the main beach scene taking place. The mood of this particular line doesn't really fit in with whatever has been said before this in the poem. There is an unpleasant connotation through the use of "roiling" and "sinking", which is a hint that the poem is taking a turn.

3rd stanza:

Sharp crystals hidden
within the lunging grass
Blood-soiled garments are
the inside joke

This is the stanza where everything suddenly becomes rather dark and solemn. "Sharp crystals" refer to the small stones hidden from view by the tall "lunging" grass. "Blood-soiled garments" shows that someone (the speaker) has likely stepped on these stones by accident and is now bleeding, using their clothes to stop the blood. An "inside joke" is something two people or more share, which is a first very subtle hint that there is someone else the speaker will likely mention in the following parts of the poem. In this particular stanza, "inside joke" is supposed to carry a sense of humour and simply is something comical that the two people will joke around about, but this will change later.

4th stanza:

Bread and butter, fried with diced up
garlic. Oil is seeping through my
fingers. My garments are soiled. I wait
and wait. Expectantly until you cast
me a look. I wipe the oil. Soiled garments
are the joke