Subtle Differences | Junhao oneshots

Attention

     Rain. Tears. Minghao could no longer tell the difference. The stream of tears that made its way down his cheeks resembled the way a single drop of rain would on a window pane, painfully slow and lonely. The aftertaste of it was salty on the tip of his tongue. He had heard before what people said about rainbows after the thunderstorm, light at the end of a tunnel. Yet, all he could believe was that they were all truckloads of crap. If that was not the case, why had he patiently  waited so long just for the glimpse of hope that, maybe one day he could finally have his lover's attention, to vanish completely?

Three hours ago

     "Hao hao, I'm home." The familiar announcement reverberated through the thick silence of the apartment. Minghao was seated on the leather couch, which was long due for a replacement, staring at his finished canvas without so much as batting an eyelash.

     "No hug? No 'Hello Junnie'?" Junhui asked after he slipped off his coat and walked over to Minghao. He knew it was a rhetorical question. However, he could not keep the sarcasm in his voice from showing. 

     Can't you at least pretend to be the least bit excited to see me? Junhui thought, rolling his eyes as he was met with utterly nothing from the younger Chinese male. To the elder, it seemed as though it had been a century since Minghao ever acted like his boyfriend. Hell, he didn't even know what had caused the drastic mood swing. It was like one day, a total stranger with the complete opposite personality to the charming, sweet Minghao he had once knew just came in and swapped positions. 

     "Whatever. Whenever you feel like actually speaking or even looking at me, we'll talk. I'm too tired for whatever it is you're trying to pull." Junhui said, turning around to carry his briefcase to the room before hopping into the shower. 

     Minghao scoffed, clearly knowing Junhui could hear him. But honestly, he could not care any less in that moment. "Right, just walk away like you always fucking do." The younger muttered under his breath. He still refused to look at the elder, but by judging the way he could hear the heavy footsteps stop abruptly, Junhui had definitely heard every word he uttered. 

     "Okay look, Minghao. Clearly, there's something's bothering you, so can you just spit it out instead of making snide comments like I'm not even here?" Junhui had had enough. His exhaustion quickly turned into annoyance as he dropped the briefcase and stormed in front of Minghao, who had, not surprisingly, not budged an inch since their conversation started. 

     "Fine. You want to know what I think? I think you're too damn busy to realise that these past few weeks have been a total nightmare for me. I can't even begin to tell you anything, because all you do is run away and avoid the topic like it's some plague!" Minghao snapped, finally getting up from the couch and staring straight into Junhui's eyes. He blinked, and walked over to the wall, smiling at his latest work sadly. It conveyed the exact emotion he was feeling: pure loneliness.

     Junhui could have sworn he'd never seen his boyfriend's eyes so cold and lifeless before. "I don't know what you're trying to say. I'm doing the best I can to earn an income and give you a better life-" "Oh please, don't fucking give me that. Your head is buried so deep into your briefcase that you don't even realise that all I've ever needed from you was you, Junhui!" 

     The more Minghao said, the louder his voice got, until it became almost like a desperate plea. "I just wanted your attention, so why is it that that's the one thing I can't seem to have?" His voice broke off slightly at the end, as tears filled his eyes. Junhui was stunned. He could count on one hand how many times Minghao had openly cried in front of him in their 3 years of dating. Still, why couldn't Minghao just understand.

     "I know, Hao hao. That's why I'm working harder than ever now. I want us to be able to spend time together in the future without having to worry about paying for the roof over our heads. I'm not stupid." 

     "What future are we supposed to have when we can't even get ahold of the present! Wake up, Junhui! I don't fucking care about 10 years later, I care about now! And right now, I don't think this is working out." Minghao whipped around and waved his hand, gesturing at the whole apartment. Junhui stilled. He didn't even notice the howl of the wind outside their 2-bedroom apartment, or the rain violently lashing against the window pane. 

     "What do you mean?" Junhui whispered, scared that if he said it too loudly, it might actually be true.

     "I mean we should break up. No, we need to break up. I can't be in a relationship with someone I don't even know anymore." Minghao said. Just like that. It was over. Three years of tightly knitted memories, fond ones at that, unraveled with a few heart-wrenching words. Or so he thought.

     "Bullshit."

     "Jun-"

     "That's bullshit, Minghao. And you know it is. You think you're the only one who's lonely? Well here's a reality check: You're not." Junhui raged. 

     "While you're cooped up in here since forever ago, I've had to slave my ass off at work just so we don't get evicted and thrown out into the streets. Just for the record, I'm the one paying for everything here because your useless painting hobby sure as hell doesn't!" Minghao stumbled back, both as a reaction to Junhui's outburst and to Junhui stalking towards him angrily. His back came into contact with the wall. There was no escape.

     "I've had to attend to your every whim when you fell sick three times last week. Do you know how hard it was to have to explain that to my boss? No, of course you don't. Because all you care about is how lonely you feel, or how bored you are." Junhui lifted a hand.

     "And do you want to know what the worst part is? For the past few weeks that you've oh so terribly suffered, I've had to come home to a selfish boyfriend who wouldn't even look me in my fucking eyes!" His hand came down in a flash. Minghao flinched, raising his arms to block the impact. Instead, he was met with a loud, muffled thud on the wall next to him. When he opened his eyes, a pair of soft brown orbs stared back at him. 

     "I'm sorry that I can't give you everything you need, Minghao. I really am..." Junhui's rage came to an end. His voice was eerily quiet as he dragged his bleeding fist down the wall limply. Both males were defeated. The elder returned a sad smile to Minghao before heading for their shared room, slamming the door just to make a point. His ignorance towards his briefcase had not gone unnoticed to the younger, however. Minghao slid down against the wall, reevaluating their argument. It was safe to say it was one of their worst disagreement.

     Perhaps, the two were never made for each other in the first place...

Angst oneshot because I just felt like it. Part 2 next->

~lilyl<3vely