𝓔𝓿𝓮𝓻𝔂𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭

Never-ending|Bill Kaulitz

TW: DRUGS, ALCOHOL, SELF HARM, SUICIDE. DONT READ IF THIS TOPIC IS SENSITIVE TO YOU.

-

Five friends who had their own personal problems. Alcohol, drugs, self-harm, everything that brought five friends together. They understood each other and drowned their pain by harming their bodies with illegal substances, did they have any other choice? Of course. They could have sorted out their life and lived freely trying to get rid of all the problems if only they tried instead of trying to consume and drown the pain. After all, the effect of drugs or alcohol is short, and when they come back to reality they can understand that they should finally stop, but as soon as something happens, everyone falls back into a black hole from which it is difficult to escape.

Y/N sat next to Bill, observing his dazed state. They had barely known each other for only a week, they met on the fateful night when Gustav suggested Y/N to meet up at Bill's house, get drunk and forget about life's wrongs. And who was Y/N to refuse? A teenager who didn't know what she wanted out of life, thinking her problems were worse than everyone else's, she was just as selfish thinking only about herself, putting herself up, but her selfishness got lowered when Bill got tired of listening to her problems.

Everyone has problems, everyone has a way to deal with them, but there's no need to humiliate others, that other people's problems are not problems, when Y/N doesn't even know what a real hard life means, when she has everything she asks for, when she has a way to hold on to life.

Y/N inhaled the herbs and blew the poisonous smoke at Bill, indicating that she wanted to go outside with him to distract herself from the yells of her other friends. Tom watched his brother and Y/N from the sidelines. He could see some strange connection between two young people who suffer from similar pains. Bill nodded and walked outside followed by Y/N with a slight wobble.

"You haven't spoken all evening" Y/N said as she leaned against the banister of the stairs and took another long drag of weed. Her stage was fucked up, it was funny to her, she laughed as Bill held a glass of whiskey in his hand stirring the ice and looking deep into Y/N's reddened eyes.

"Theres nothing to talk about" Bill sighed as he sipped his whiskey and let himself feel the burning sensation in his throat. "I'm fed up with the negative talks, there's no other way to say it, it's just bad for everyone. And you yourself aren't bored?"

Y/N sighed as she began to think. Yes, she was tired of them getting together and drinking and getting high and talking about how bad they all were, how they were tired of living the same boring life without doing anything to change. Bill was right.

"Yeah, you're right" Y/N smiled slightly and grabbed Bill's wrist but Bill winced in pain. Y/N looked at him confused. Why did Bill wince in pain? After all, Y/N barely touched him. "Bill, did I hurt you?"

"No, no, it's alright" Bill said pulling away from
Y/N but she could feel he was lying. He is in pain and she wants to know why.

"Show me" Y/N told, she was curious.

Bill shook his head and walked towards the door, but Y/N grabbed Bill's wrist again and this time Bill gritted his teeth, not wanting to show that he was in pain. Y/N pulled Bill close and their chests collided. Bill looked at Y/N shaking his head, not wanting her to know, but Y/N ignored his pleading look and pulled his shirt sleeve away.

"I'm so sorry" Y/N immediately let go of Bill's hand as soon as she saw the fresh wounds on his wrist. "I...I didn't know"

Bill nodded and pulled up his sleeve to hide his wounds. He felt humiliated, as if he had reached rock bottom. Did he look pathetic and weak in Y/N's eyes now? No...Y/N understood him and sympathized because she knew what kind of pain he felt until he hurts himself. Y/N walked past Bill and it was his turn to stop Y/N.

"Please stay, don't think of me as some kind of monster, we can talk" Bill said as if begging Y/N not to push him away.

"What? I...I could never Bill" Y/N turned to Bill and hugged him tightly. "You're not a monster Bill"

And they both sat down on the cold stairs looking into the distance. They were silent, but the silence was cozy and warm, like never before. Y/N put out the weed and pulled her sleeve back with a deep breath, maybe that was what they needed. To show their wounds so that they understand that they are not alone in the world who suffer.

"You're not alone Bill"
Y/N smiled as Bill took her hand as well and gently pressed his lips to Y/N's wounds. And there were all kinds of wounds, cigarette scars, cuts, burns, anything that would cause pain.

That night, they promised each other that they would try to change their lives. And the feelings grew stronger for each other, not as friends. They were like a wall to each other to protect from danger.

-

It had been a few months since Y/N and Bill had given up all the crap that was slowly killing their hope of living, and Y/N felt much more alive, if she hadn't stopped, her life would have been over. She and Bill were still friends, but Y/N and Bill himself wanted to be a couple, but neither of them dared to admit it.

But Y/N gathered all the courage in her body, after all she felt that Bill himself wanted the same thing as she did, so she had no choice but to confess.

Y/N scrunched her nose as she entered Bill's house. She recognized the strong and disgusting smell of weed. She couldn't believe that Bill would do this and she felt a boiling anger in her body that surged as soon as she walked into the living room and saw Bill with the syringe in his hand.

"Bill!" Y/N groaned as she punched Bill in the arm and Bill just grinned at her in a daze. Y/N felt sick and angry, she didn't even want to look at Bill, she couldn't. "You promised!"

Bill stood up, but quickly sat back down on the sofa when his legs could no longer support his weak body. He looked very ugly and fucked up, his eye makeup was stained with tears, his black hair was messy, and his whole body was shaking. The disgusting sight of Y/N being alone sober.

"I lost everything Y/N, I have nothing now" Bill laughed, feeling so absurd that he was getting angry. "Tom, Gustav, Georg...they're all gone"

"Yeah, because they're just stupid fools who chose drugs instead of us!" Y/N sobbed through tears. It was heartbreaking for her to watch Bill harm himself again with drugs. "But I was there for you! I never left you! I did everything for us to get better! I was there for us both!"

Bill was confused...was? Will she be gone? Will she leave him too? Will she give him up because he couldn't take the pain anymore and just let himself relax?

"Y/N, wait! I promise, it's just for tonight! I will get better, I promise you. Believe me please" Bill was about to kneel before Y/N begging for her forgiveness, but Y/N's hurt and her hurt heart wouldn't let her forgive, so she just shook her head and left Bill to continue hurt himself.

Bill clutched his head as he let himself cry. Everyone left him and he thought Y/N would understand him and try to help him...after all it's only one time...just one...and Y/N reacted like Bill hadn't even changed or even tried . But they tried to climb through that drug circle together and still try but Bill was weaker than Y/N.

He only knew one thing. He had lost the person he loved, and the pain was unbearable. His dazed head could not think and led him towards to one way out.

With trembling hands, Bill gripped the blade.

-

Y/N screamed all the pain she felt at Bill's grave, hit her fists on the fresh soil of the grave, cried and went crazy. Her heart was breaking and she didn't know what to do to get rid of the pain. She sat alone at his grave crying, blaming herself for leaving him when he needed her the most.

It was dark, blinding darkness confused Y/N and as she hit the railing of the bridge she took a deep breath still unable to believe that she had left Bill in painful agony. And agony now haunted Y/N.

Looking at her palms, she squeezed the lighter tightly and, putting a roll of weed to her lips, she lit the poison.

All over again. A never-ending circle.

- Moonlight

Well, things happen and it nevah ends. (Just joking, never give up<33)