I Hate U | Jenlisa

Chapter 29

Lisa didn't know that it would feel so incredibly liberating to finally talk about it.
She hadn't known how much she'd needed to talk to Rosé about her crush on Jennie Kim when she'd first seen her. How much she had needed the girl talk.

Rosé giggled as Lisa told how she almost walked into a glass door because she was too busy staring at Jennie to notice what was going on around her.
She listened intently as Lisa spoke quietly about how absolutely perfect Jennie seemed at the time, and how damned smitten Lisa was with her...
Love at first sight, Lisa whispered, hiding her face behind her hands because it just sounded way too cheesy.

"And what changed? In your feelings?"

Rosé finally asked.
She didn't show how surprised she was. Maybe she wasn't, at least not as surprised as she expected.
Now that Lisa had told her, it even began to make sense.

All the unnecessary comments, all the bickering, Lisa's smug look when Jennie responded to her.
Lisa had acted like a little school boy with His first crush.

Lisa looked at Rosé, her look saying everything. But it didn't seem to be enough for the blonde.

"Listen Lis, I can totally understand why you liked Jennie. I mean, she's incredibly beautiful, sweet, ambitious, smart and Always ready to help."

Rosé explained as she echoed Lisa's words from earlier.

"Really, very understandable. But why don't you like her anymore? It's not like she's lost any of those qualities."

Lisa sighed.

"I don't know..."

she whispered, squinting at Rosé, who looked at her patiently, but demandingly at the same time. Lisa gave up almost immediately.

"I... my mother..."

Rosé's gaze softened immediately.

"You don't have to talk about it, Lis.",

she whispered.
Lisa ignored her.

"I mean, I told Mom about her... Maybe not directly, but..."

Rosé's eyes widened and she nodded in understanding.
She had been there when Lisa's world collapsed and had helped pick up the pieces. She had seen Lisa in her worst moments and given her strength.
She knew first hand what her mother's rejection had done to Lisa.

"You weren't yourself, Lisa, for a few weeks.",

Rosé said softly.
She didn't dare mention that Lisa still wasn't quite herself, might never be again.
Lisa from over two years ago was cool and funny, but almost shy and quickly embarrassed in many situations.
The current Lisa was — likewise — cool and fun, but also much tougher, sometimes seemed aloof, and had almost self-destructive traits.
It was clearly a mask Lisa used to be less vulnerable.

Lisa quietly agreed with her.

"I wasn't. It didn't help how... How disgusted she looked at me. Of course I was pretty much acting Like a piece of shit, but she was just as shitty, and practically embarrassed me in front of half the school when she meant to confront me in the middle of recess. I realized pretty quickly that she was nowhere near as perfect as I thought she was.... no one is perfect... everyone..."

Lisa's voice broke, the words coming out of her mouth raspy.

"Everything I thought was perfect was.... everything that was perfect rejected me. Mom, my first crush..."

Rosé took her hand.

"I didn't reject you.",

she said softly.
For a moment, Lisa's face twisted into a broad smile.