I Hate U | Jenlisa

Bonus Chapter IV

Future

"So..."

Jackson hesitated before speaking further, avoiding his best friend's gaze.

Honestly, he'd been pretty overwhelmed with his feelings for some time now. For some time, or more specifically since the charity event. Bambam's love confession had taken him quite by surprise and upset him a little.

Jackson wasn't homophobic, not even close. He spent most of his time at school with a group of girls who were invariably at least bisexual, and he supported them wholeheartedly. He didn't have anything against gay men either, he just didn't know any yet. Or so he thought.

He had just never dreamed that a man would ever confess to him, especially his best friend.

Jackson didn't even know that Bambam was gay. Or was he bisexual?

His first instinct was to reject Bambam.

Since Jackson was young, he had only fallen in love with women. Women were cute. He had never even thought about getting together with another man.

He'd been surprised when Bambam blushed and confessed to him that he'd had feelings for him for quite a while. He had avoided his gaze, apologized, and mumbled that he would never do anything Jackson didn't want.
Bambam was so obviously afraid of Jackson's reaction.

Not necessarily of rejection.
More that Jackson would never want to talk to him again. That Jackson might be disgusted.

Jackson wasn't disgusted.
Not even hours later, when he thought about it quietly.

Did it bother him that another boy liked him?

Jackson began to think more about it.
Also about other... things.

Was kissing a boy that different? Going on dates with a boy? Having... sex with a boy?

Jackson was confused.

Wasn't he too old to question his sexuality by now?

He tried to act normal around Bambam so he wouldn't worry that Jackson would treat him differently because of the confession, but he felt different.

He felt it much more intensely when Bambam accidentally touched his hand. He realized he could recognize Bambam by his footsteps. He stared at his best friend a little too long when he grinned.

Could it be that he thought Bambam's smile was cute?

Overwhelmed, he turned to the internet.

Is it possible to become gay at 19?

And the internet provided answers.
Jackson spent hours reading through the responses of numerous strangers on the internet who had once been in a similar situation to the one he was in now.

Nobody suddenly became gay. But everyone realizes it at a different time, whether it's because of society's negative view of homosexuality or the horrible stereotypes that made people subconsciously suppress their feelings.

Jackson read stories of men who didn't realize they liked men until they were in their fifties. Not least Lisa's father.

In comparison, Jackson was still young.