First and Last

Chapter 46

I wore my pink satin sleeping dress. I am planning to watch a movie with him. It’s time. Maybe it’s time. I can’t live each day with a ghost of the past haunting me. Another is that, I am no longer in the past. Sadyang kusang nanunumbalik ang mga pakiramdam ngayong nakakasama ko na ang mga tao na bumuo sa nakaraan. Not to drown me again, but to complete the piece of me.

Ganoon naman talaga, di’ba? We should encounter them again to heal and finally release ourselves to the trauma, and all of things that keeps us touching the shadows of the past. We have our own time of healing. And as for me, I finally healed. Noon pa. Bagay na ngayon ko lang narealize. I cannot feel this happiness whenever I’m with them if I am still holding, and shattered.

I don’t wanna lose them. They are my people. People who can understand me, and capable of loving of who I am. Arrow and his friends is my comfort place. He is my haven.

I am just waiting for the perfect moment. To live again, and to love again. 

“Hi.” he said in my front door. His scent lingered on my nostrils. Ang kanang kamay ay nakahawak sa doorknob habang ang kaliwa ay nasa likuran habang masuyong nakatingin sa akin. It’s been two days since we went to horse back riding. Ang buhok niya ang bahagyang basa pa. 

I opened my door. He entered and sat on my sofa. Inayos niya ang pagpapanoodan namin. He choose the latest movie. I recharged my phone on the bedside table at pagkatapos ay naupo na sa tabi niya.

He smiled at me. “Your friends?” tanong ko sa kaniya.

“Let them. Malalaki na sila.” 

We giggled. The movie is now playing. Hindi pa namin ganoon kadama kaya halos nakikiramdam lang kami sa isa’t-isa. I reached the popcorn and ate it.

“You want to change it?” he asked. Umiling ako at sumandal sa sofa.

The dim lights on my room gives us the feeling of isolation. It’s like the two of us on the entire mansion. I offered my popcorn to him but he shook his head. Kumuha ako ng ilang piraso at isinubo sa kanya. Kinain niya iyon habang may pagpipigil ng ngiti.

I giggled. “Gusto din naman pala.”

I placed my head on his shoulder. I felt his sudden movement, and his stare at me. Maybe he’s curious. Nang malamang wala akong balak na umalis sa pagkakasandal ay napangiti siya at isinandal din ng bahagya ang ulo sa akin.

Minutes has passed. Halos nangangalahati na din ang palabas. I feel sleepy. Ramdam ko ang paghaplos niya sa kamay ko. His hands gently touching my hand. He kissed it little by little. This is one of thing he can’t change. He loves kissing my hand.

Binago niya ang pwesto namin. Hindi na lang ako nakasandal sa balikat niya kundi nakahilig na ako sa dibdib niya habang ang mga kamay ay nakapulupot sa akin. He tapped my shoulder that made me more sleepy. He knew I am not a movie type of person. Madali akong nakakatulog.

“Sleepy?” I nodded. Sumiksik pa ako sa leeg niya at nalanghap ang amoy niya. One thing I like about him is his smell. Mas mabango pa siya sa akin.

I gave him my weight. I hope he’s getting my answer to him. I want to check his reaction but I can’t. Malulunod lamang ako sa paraan niya ng pagtingin. His eyes and smile makes me wonder how much love he have to me para hindi niya ako nagawang kalimutan.

“A hundred percent.” bulong niya. “I am a hundred percent sure of this girl, Lord. Bigay mo na.” he prayed softly. He planted a continuous kisses yet gentle one to my hair.