Meant to be.

Understand

⚠️TW- SH
            - SI
Meredith's POV

Crap!!
I didn't even think about that when she started moving stuff in the drawers. She's going to know, what am I going to say. I couldn't run away cause then Arizona would see me she was in the kitchen starting to prepare lunch.
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, suddenly I just need to get away. If I run into the bathroom Addison will stop me cause I have to run past her but maybe Arizona's bathroom, I still have my blade in my pocket.

Addison's POV

I'm trying to figure out what to say to Meredith when she suddenly stands up and bolts out of the room. Crap, I run after her mainly because I'm worried, I know she can't leave cause Arizona will stop her but I'm still worried she's going to try and harm herself again. I watch as she runs into Arizona's room then into the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her.

Meredith's POV

I can feel my heart racing as I run into Arizona's bathroom, I know Addison is right behind me and I know she's just worried about me but I can't, I can't do it. It's all too much. I slam the door shut not intentionally I just want it closed. I turn around the try and lock it but there is not lock, why isn't there a lock. I can see the door handle moving, I quickly grab it using my entire body weight to hold the door shut.

Arizona's POV
I was in the kitchen getting some lunch sorted when I hear a door slam, it sounded like it was coming from my room what's going on. As I enter my room I can see Addison trying desperately to pull the door open, I don't understand why we don't have an my locks on our bathroom doors.
"Addison what's going on?" I ask concerned
"Meredith's in there and she's upset like really upset, I found a blade she hid and I'm guessing she has more." Addison answers, "please tell me you don't have any blades or anything in your bathroom, I didn't even realise I did but she obviously found one." Addison continues still fighting with the door.
Oh gosh,
"No I don't have anything in there, it's fine so unless she has one on her we should be ok." I answered, "stop pulling on the door for a second we aren't going to get anywhere fighting with her." I explained gently taking Addison's hand in mine.
"Your right." She said gently, I carefully knocked on the door,
"Meredith please let us in we are just worried about you." I said softly, but didn't get a response.
"Meri honey, please I promise we aren't mad or anything we just want to make sure your ok." I continued, holding Addison's hand in mine, I could feel her heart racing as she stood next to me.
"Calm down she's going to be ok, as long as she's holding the door she isn't hurting herself right?" I said softly to Addie,
"I suppose." Addie responded,
"Sweetheart please, we are just worried about you we understand how you feel." I say, suddenly the door fly's open and Meredith is standing there looking at us.

Meredith's POV

"We understand how you feel" I can hear Arizona say through the door, how could she say that they have no idea how I feel.
I swing the door open,
"How can you say that, you have no idea how I feel I scream at them. At first I think they are both a bit taken back by me suddenly screaming but I'm furious at least Derek didn't lie to me he told me I was worthless and they he didn't want to deal with me he didn't lie and say he understood. I saw them look at each other before taking a step closer to me, but I didn't want them too. I pulled out the blade from my pocket holding it to my arm.
"You don't understand, you can't understand. This is the only thing that gives me peace the only thing that giver me any sort of release." I say, I can feel my eyes filling with tears. I don't want to cry, I'm angry why am I crying. As I feel the tears start to fall down my cheek I notice both Addison and Arizona haven't moved, they both are just looking at me. I can see something in their eyes it's not pity, or anger it's, I don't know, I look down at the ground my head ut spinning. I suddenly feel a hand over mine, as I look up I see Addison gently taking the blade from my hand, and Arizona is standing beside me.
"No no.. you don't understand it's exhausting to everyday and I'm done!" I half yell half cry, before I feel my legs begin to give out underneath me. "It's to hard I just want it all the be over a cry" as I feel myself start to fall but I don't hit the ground instead I feel two soft hands holding me. It's Arizona she's stopped me from hitting the ground but oh how I want to I need the release, the pain I need to feel it.
"Please just let me do it, it would be easier for everyone." I cry as Arizona holds me. I feel weak being supported by her my whole weight in her arms but somehow she makes me feel safe, so does Addison as she rest her hand on my back. Slowly I feel them settling to the floor, my weight still being supported by Arizona. I realise we've sat down and my tears are slowly stopping.
"Meredith look at me," Addison says, holding me hand, as she sit on one side of me. Arizona on the other. "You are amazing and you deserve to live." She says, "and we understand it's heard, it's really heard right now but this isn't the end, we will help you get through this." She says, I can see that same look in her eyes as I did before, it's a look of understanding, maybe the really do understand .
"How can you know how I feel?" I say crying, this time Arizona answers first,
"Because...here let me show you." She says bringing her leg in front of us and slightly pulling up her jeans to reveal a tattoo on her ankle, I didn't quite know what it meant, as I look at Addison she smiled softly before turning her head and showing me she had the same tattoo behind her ear. Why did they both have the same tattoo and why a semi-colon?

Authors Note
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It took a bit longer to update as I rewrote it as I didn't like the way it sounded.
Please as always leave comments and ideas I always read all of them and try to take them on board as well as just enjoying what you think.