Meant to be.

Moving Forward

⚠️TW- mention of self harm
            - mentions of weight
            - feeding tubes

Meredith's POV

I feel myself start to wake up and I'm can feel Addison underneath me, I don't know how to feel, I still feel like a burden but I like the feeling of being in her lap, I just lay there cuddling into her,

"Baby girl are you awake?" I here Addison ask,
"Yeah I am Addie." I reply, but don't move off her,
"Are you big?" She asks
"Yeah, I am," I say looking up at her , it's only now I notice the bags under her eyes, she looks as if she hasn't slept for days "I'm sorry Addie" I say feeling tears build in my eyes.
"Baby girl it's ok I'm not angry, I was just worried about you, you scared me when I woke up and you weren't there I was terrified, I love you so much baby, and you are never a burden, you said that last night and I want you to know it isn't true, Zona and I love you, even when your struggling" she says smiling at me, and I believe her it's hard but I do, but something keeps playing on my mind.
I'm about to ask Addie a question when the door to my room opens,

"Good morning Miss Grey," the doctor explains,
Addie and I quickly scurry to pull the blanket up over of shielding us from their wondering eyes, Arizona wakes up, moving to the chair beside me.
"Dr David will you present" the main psychologist says
"Meredith grey, admitted yesterday, she is considered high risk a danger to herself and other" he starts to explain, but Addie cuts him off
"Stop right there she is not a danger to herself or others she is struggling and needs help not to be sedated and restrained, please get Dr Wyatt up here, she knows Meredith,"
"But... she was admitted last yesterday, Dr Shepherd brought her up she was combative and.." he goes to talk about but this time Arizona is the one too cut him off
"Derek Shepard is a homophobic sexist asshole who just wanted to hurt Meredith, and it's Dr Grey by the way if your going to be stupid enough to give Derek the title of Dr then Meredith deserves that too, you all need to get out, clearly you are incompetent, not to mention my girlfriends are currently topless and not a single one of you thought to give them a moment to get dressed, get Dr Wyatt up here immediately and all of you get out!" She yelled standing up between me and the doctors,
"Very well," the head psychologist ushering out his crowd of interns,

Once he left Ari helped me put my top back on while Addie got herself dressed too, it was only then I noticed Arizona was wearing my Dartmouth shirt,
"That's my shirt," I say looking at her,
"Yeah I hope you don't mind I borrowed it, I was so scared when you were gone I wanted to feel like you where near" she says smiling,
"No it looks good on you," I say smiling, I hadn't realised how much I'd scared them by leaving,
Suddenly there is a knock at the door
"Come in." I say,
"Good morning Meredith, Arizona. Addison." Dr Wyatt says as she enters the room,
"Good morning" I say quietly suddenly feeling very shy,
"It's ok Meredith I'm is just here to help, you can slip if that would make you feel for comfortable" she says sitting down in the chair near the end of the bed.

Addison's POV
I watch as Meredith slips, and I'm so grateful she isn't fighting it anymore,
"Good girl bug," I coo, I'm still sitting on the bed with her which helps as she makes grabby arms towards me causing me to giggle slightly before pulling her back into my lap.
"Ok Meredith I want to ask you about the day you left Addison and Arizona's house why did you do that?" Dr Wyatt asks, but Meredith doesn't answer,
"Meredith do you want to tell me with the dolls?" Dr Wyatt asks bringing three dolls out of her bag,
Meredith shakes her head,
"Ok Meredith's it's ok how about I just ask some questions, and you can just say yes or no,"
Meredith nods her head at that suggestion,
"Ok good girl, remember I'm just here to help, and Addie and Zona are here as well ok you are safe." Dr Wyatt explains,
"Ok, did something happen that made you want to leave?" Dr Wyatt asks and Meredith nods
"Ok did it happen that day?" And Meredith answers no,
"The night before," Meredith nods her head again,
"Ok, was it something you did?" Meredith shakes her head again,
"Baby girl what happened?" Arizona asks next to me,
"I heard you" she says quietly, and I'm confused what did she here
"What did you hear bug," I ask concerned
"I heard Ari say, she was tried of looking after Meredith, that when Meredith was little she couldn't slip and that she felt like the days were long. Ari didn't want to be looking after me, but she felt like she had to so I left, that way Addie could look after her pumpkin and Meredith wouldn't be in the way." Meredith says looking down, as she finishes I look over to Arizona who's eyes have filled with tears, I know she feels guilt but it's not her fault
"I'm sorry I a burden, Zona" Meredith says looking over to her,
"No baby girl you aren't a burden, no I didn't mean that, I wasn't complaining baby girl I was just tired, I love looking after you bug," Arizona coos moving Meredith into her lap on the chair.
"But you said..looking after Mer; this week has just been long" Meredith says looking up at her,
"Baby girl you missed the first part of the sentence, I said I love looking after Meredith. Yes the week had felt long but that wasn't because you where a burden, I love looking after you, I was just finding it hard, I was still getting used to regressing again myself and was struggling a bit to control it, I'd pushed it down for so long it was taking more energy then normal to stop it, but that wasn't your fault," Arizona explains the tears forming in her eyes threatening to fall
"Promise Mamma?" Meredith asks looking up at her, and I smile as she the name,
"I promise," Arizona says a tears falling down her cheek,
"Ok, I'm glad we had that breakthrough," Dr Wyatt says, "I think it would be best to keep Meredith here just for a little while longer, I know it might be tough but you two can stay with her as much as you want, I'll talk to the psychologist up hear and get that sorted, not for long, I'm just worried that going back home right now might be a bit much for her, and I also can't as a doctor release her at the moment in her physical state, I know she won't like it but I think a temporary feeding tube might be necessary, just to get her weight back up, I wouldn't suggest it unless I thought it necessary plus if I don't then someone else on the floor will order one for her, and as she has not legal next of kin I wouldn't be able to stop them." Dr Wyatt explains and I see Meredith tense up as she's talking,
"No please not a feeding tube I'll eat I promise," Meredith cries,
"I'm sorry Meredith, it's just temporary I promise but at your weight if I don't prescribe one someone else will, and they might prescribe it longer than I will, ok" Dr Wyatt explains and I understand and I know she's right,
"No please," Meredith cries shaking, Arizona stand up passing her back to me, as Meredith reaches for me pawing at my top again, I quickly remove it before Meredith starts to dry nurse again, immediately settling down
"Is this new?" Dr Wyatt asks and I nod,
"Yes last night she was in such a distressed state she regressed to a head space we believe was younger than a year and the only thing that really calmed her down," I explain, "she also called me and Arizona mummy and mamma last night while she was screaming,"
"I think after everything that's happened that might happen, as for the nursing I'd imagine she's reverting back to the most basic level of comfort us humans have, the first memory of being comforted and it wouldn't surprise me if Ellis grey wasn't exactly the comforting type so this might have been the only comforting she ever got as a child." Dr Wyatt explains,
"That makes sense, I don't mind if actually, I would do anything to help her," I reply smiling down at her,
"I know you would, you both would." Dr Wyatt says smiling at us, "I'm going to go now but I will schedule her feeding tube placement, and I would also like to book individual sessions with both of you, this has been hard on you too." She says, and I know she's right.
She leaves, and I look over to Arizona.
"Arizona promise me you won't blame yourself," I say
"I'll try Addie." She replies looking back at me

Authors Note

I hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you thought.