Meant to be.

Pain

⚠️⚠️TW- self harm
                  - suicidal ideation
                 - suicide note

A few days later,

Addison's POV
Meredith is finally coming home today, she got the all clear from Dr Wyatt, she prescribed her some medicine to try and help, but she seems to be doing much better,
Arizona seemed to be doing better as well.
"You ready bug?" I ask smiling,
"Yes mummy please I want to go home." She says practically jumping into my arms,
"Ok my love," I reply, hugging her close, as we walk out of the room, "Mamma's at home she can't wait to see you," I coo, Arizona just got off an overnight shift, Richard has given us the week off but she had one more surgery scheduled last night she had to complete.

***

As I arrived home Zona had all of Meredith's toys laid out ready for her to play
"Thank you mamma" Meredith cheered running over to her, "I love you," she said smiling
"I love you too bug," Arizona replied,

***
A few hours later

As I got Meredith ready for bed she did not want to leave my side,
"It's ok bug I'm not going anywhere your home and your safe." I coo, before all three of us climb into bed,
"Goodnight, bug" I say smiling, "good night pumpkin" I say looking at Arizona
"Night mummy, night mamma" Meredith replied curling into me as she falls asleep
"Good night Addie," Arizona says smiling at me, I notice something off in her eyes but she blinks and it's gone,
"Ari, I'm here for you no matter what you know that right?" I say gently squeezing her hand,
"I know, thank you Addie." She says smiling bag,

***
I'm woken to the sound of soft sobbing, has something happened is Meredith ok?
But as I look down I notice Meredith is still tucked up against me, it's only when I look over I notice Arizona is gone,
As I listen again I notice the sound is coming from the lounge room, I quickly get up placing Meredith in the crib before walking out to the lounge where I'm faced with the sight of Arizona sobbing into her hands,

"Ari what's wrong" I say rushing over to her,
"It's my fault" she cries and my heart breaks "it's all my fault."
I scoop her um pulling her into my lap
"Sh sh pumpkin it's ok, it's not your fault." I say gently running my finger through her hair, I don't want to push her so I just sit there for a while before she looks up at me,

"Addie I need help," she says looking at me, I'm confused what does she mean help with what but she moves her arm pulling up her sleeves and I know. There are fresh cuts along her arms, but not just from tonight,
"I'm sorry Addie" she cries looking at me,
"Oh baby girl no, it's ok," I coo pulling her close, but then she shifts again pulling down her trousers to reveal new cuts along her thighs as well. I just hold her I can't believe I missed this my poor baby. Eventually her tears stop, and she goes still
"It's ok baby girl I'm here I'll help you it's ok," I coo,

"Addie no I need help" Arizona says looking up at me,
"I know baby girl I'll help you it's ok," I say,
"No Addie," she sighs moving off my lap and picking  up two envelopes I hadn't seen before on the table, my heart sinks as I see they are addressed to me and Meredith,

Addie,
I am so sorry, it's all my fault Meredith ran away, it's my fault that her progress went backwards. I was selfish and stupid. I should have seen the signs the day before she ran. I'm sorry Addie but I can't do this anymore, I'm not strong enough. You saved me once before, but now you can focus on your baby. I know you'll hurt without me but eventually you will get over it, you can focus on Meredith, I won't be an issue anymore, I will always love you and Meredith,  Addie
Goodbye,

She just sits there as I read the letter, my heart breaking with every word,

"Oh Zona no, it's not your fault," I coo, "I'm sorry I should have noticed you where in pain, it's ok, I've got you now" I pull her bag into my lap as she cries

"Addie I need help," she says again,
"I know baby, I'm going to help you it's ok." I reply, holding her tight, some part of me scared if I let her go she will run, and I'll loose her forever
"Addie no I need more help, I...I think I need to go to the hospital Addie, I can't do this, I was about to go..." she says, pulling a packet of pills out of her pocket, I quickly grab them moving them away from her
"Oh Zona, no it's ok I've got you, your safe here" I coo,
"Addie I can't focus on myself here, I know if I stay here I will continue to struggle, and all my focus will be on Meredith and I known its selfish but I need to focus on me just for a bit, I'm struggling sitting here in your lap, some part of me still wants to run into the kitchen and ease this pain" she admits crying into me
"It's no self lush as all Pumpkin, it's so incredibly brave. I understand, I'm so sorry, I should have notice. Let's get some sleep, and we can go in the morning, I'll take you ok baby," I coo, walking into out bedroom with her in my arms,
"What about Meredith?" She asks as I lay her down pulling her close to me
"We will talk to her in the morning pumpkin, ok it's going to be ok," I coo, wrapping my arms around her, "let yourself go pumpkin, you are so incredibly strong, and I am so proud of you for asking for help, your going to be ok." I say, and she does, I see her body soften as she lets herself go her head tucking into my chest,
"Thank you Addie" she whispers wrapping her arms around me,

Authors Note

I hope you enjoyed, this really intense chapter,

Hopefully Arizona gets help she needs

Let me know any comments and suggestions, I've also completed planed my next story so hopefully I can't start that one as soon as I finish this one,

To anyone reading my other story, I will update that one soon I promise I'm just in the zone with this one at the moment