Meant to be.

Addison's Story

⚠️⚠️TW - Miscarriage
- Suicide
- SH
- Reference to potential DV

Meredith's POV

"Umm.." I think for a bit "Addie?" I ask turning towards her.
"Sure my love," she says smiling, I love when she and Arizona call my love or sweetheart or honey. It makes me feel all warm insides, "now if it gets to much stop me ok?" She asked looking directly into my eyes, I nod smiling.
I feel Arizona shift behind me as she holds Addie's hand behind my head, her other hand holding mine.
"Well about 10 years ago..."

••••Flashback 10 years•••••

Third Person POV

Addison was home alone, when suddenly she felt immense pain in her stomach.
"No please god no." She cried as she felt her stomach cramp.
"Please please no." She cried slowly standing up.
"Not again," she cried before reaching over to grab the phone beside her, deciding whether to call her husband or an ambulance.
They will take me to the hospital anyway. She thought dialling the phone, at least the hospital may be able to help.

Once she'd reached the St Ambrose her whole body was shaking as she cried, she could feel it, it was happening again.

"What we got?"Addison heard a familiar southern accent ask, "oh Addie," Charlotte sighed seeing Addison in the back of the ambulance,
"Charlotte, it's happening again." Addison cried to her friend as she helped to unload the ambulance.
"I know Addie, I'm sorry, I'm paging the chief and Dr Scott right now, have you called Derek yet?" Charlotte asked, and Addison shook her head while still crying,
"I.. I...wwwwas so muuuch further, I really thought," Addison  cried, her body shaking. If  Charlotte didn't know Addison, she would have no idea what she was saying,
"Shh shh, it's ok will page Derek as well, Dr Scott is on her way, ok, just try and breathe with me." Charlotte said holding Addison's hands in her own. She could feel the crescent moons scarred into Addison's hands.
"Addie just breathe, I'm right here for you." Charlotte cooed, stopping Addison from digging her nails any further into her hand.
"Addison, I'm here," Dr Scott said entering the room, "fill me in what's happened."
"I..um..was...was..just.." Addison tried but couldn't get through the tears,
"Addison you need to calm down or else I'm going to have to sedate you," Dr Scott said calmly,
Addison stopped for a moment taking a deep breath before turning back to the doctor.
"I was at home, and I felt pain, um...I..." Addison sighed, "I think I'm having another miscarriage." Addison said,
"Ok Addison let me have a look, you're 20weeks correct?" Dr Scott asked carefully examining Addison.  Charlotte was still holding one of Addison's hands, the other was tightly clenched adding to the crescent moon on her palm. Addison didn't say anything she just nodded, this was the 6th one she knew what it felt like.
"I'm sorry Addison but you are correct, it appears you are having a late term miscarriage. I'm so sorry." Dr Scott explained, as she did Addison broke down into tears again.
"D..d..er.." Addison cried, but Charlotte couldn't make out what she was saying,
"D..e..r.." Addison continued to cry her body shaking.
"Oh of course Derek, I paged him, he should be here soon," Charlotte replied tenderly, gently pushing the hair out of a crying Addison's face.

An hour later,

Dr Scott had Addison transferred to a room upstairs to continue to monitor and make sure it was a complete miscarriage.
Derek still hadn't come, so Charlotte was sitting with her. The chief of the hospital had given Charlotte the night off, Addison was already on a lowered schedule due to past complications prior to her previous miscarriages, but she had been given a few extra days off.
Addison had eventually cried herself to sleep, after receiving some a sedative help her calm down.
Charlotte was disinfecting the small cuts on Addisons hand while she slept when Derek walked in.
"Where the hell have you been, I've been paging you for an hour." Charlotte whispered yelled at him as he entered the room.
"I was busy," Derek replied, "what happened?" He asked bluntly, Derek hadn't really been paying attention when the nurse told him Addison was here.
"She had a miscarriage Derek, she's devastated. And her husband wasn't even there for her." Charlotte whispered yelled again trying her best not to wake Addison.
"She what?" Derek yelled, causing Addison to stir
"Don't yell she's been crying non-stop for nearly an hour she just fell asleep," Charlotte whispered yelled back hoping Addison would stay sleeping.
"Derek?" Addisons soft voice asked from the bed, her voice quivering "Derek, I'm so sorry," she cried sitting up and seeing Derek standing there
"You're sorry?" Derek asked, "you're sorry," he repeated starting to laugh.
Charlotte looked confused between Derek and Addison,
"I am so sorry Derek," Addison cried, "I..what.." she cried harder her body starting to shake again from the tears.
Derek just stood there looking at her, Charlotte tried to comfort her,
"Charlotte can you give me and my wife a minute please." Derek said bluntly,
"I um.." Charlotte stuttered not really wanting to leave Addisons side
"It's fine Char," Addison said taking a deep breath.
Charlotte looked back at Addison for a second before nodding and leaving the room.
"You lost another one?" Derek asked walking over to stand over Addison.
"I'm sorry Derek I wasn't doing anything, Dr Scott said it just happened, we knew it was a possibility." Addison explained,
"That was the last egg, Addison what are we going to do now, huh?" He asked
"I know Derek, I don't know what we are going to do, we knew it was a possibility, I only had 6 eggs left when we started we knew this would be a possibility," Addison tried to reason, it hurt he so deeply to know that was it, she had not chance of having a biological child.
"So now what huh? You wanted a family so bad, you couldn't even manage to keep the baby inside you, it's what you were designed to do but you failed." Derek yelled,
"I'm sorry Derek I promise I wasn't doing anything I was at home resting, I'm devastated, but it's not over we can have a family we can adopt we.." Addison said tears welling in her eyes again, but Derek cut her off.
"I'm not having some child that isn't related to me, no, I'm not adopting some other person baby that they couldn't be bothered to raise on their own." Derek said glaring won at Addison.
"We could use an egg donor," Addison suggested, "that way our child would still be related to you," Addison said trying to stop the tears running down her face.
"Yeah so you can kill that one as well?" Derek asked laughing,
"No..I umm.. a surrogate.. we could um.." Addison suggested now fighting back a sobs.
"What so you can get out of it completely, no Addison it's over, we aren't having any children and it's all your fault." Derek said, grabbing Addison arm, "you failed, you couldn't carry a child, you will never be a mother." Derek yelled before storming out, leaving a hyperventilating Addison,
Suddenly Charlotte ran back into the room, seeing Derek had left and hearing the sobs from inside
"Shh shh, it's ok breathe," Charlotte tried to soothe Addison to no success,
"Addie Addie, it's ok look at me, breath here follow my breathing," Charlotte said putting Addisons hand on her chest, slowly Addisons breathe returned to normal and was replaced with guttural sobs,
Charlotte looked at the poor woman in front of her, knowing she needed to rest ordered a sedative before connecting it to Addisons IV.
It didn't take long for the sedative to take effect, and Addison felt asleep, shortly followed by Charlotte.

About an hour later, Addison felt herself wake up. As she woke up more she remember the events of the night Derek was right it was all her fault, she thought as she looked at her IV bag.

Addison thought for a moment before running her hand up her arms and legs tracing the scars that covered them, she reached over and adjusted the flow rate of the sedative increasing it to max flow, Derek was right she would never be a mother and she didn't want to live in a world where that was true.

••••Back to Present•••••

Addisons POV

"Oh Addie," Zola sighed squeezing my hand,
"So you overdosed?" Meredith asked,
"Yes I did, or I tried but Charlotte was there and when my heart stopped the heart monitor went off and she saved me. In more ways than just that. After that I divorced Derek and started to get the help I needed, it wasn't easy but I'm still here." I answered, honestly. I think if anything is going to help get through to Meredith it's the truth.
She needs to know she can trust us. I watched Meredith for a minute, trying to figure out what she was thinking,
"Thank you for telling me, Addie." She eventually said smiling, before turning to look at Ari a yawn escaping Meredith as she rolled over,
"Ari?" She asked, yawning again.
Arizona smiled at Meredith, and I was too she looked to tiny lying between us but she was open listening, it's was a massive step in the right direction.
"My sweet girl you're exhausted, why don't you go to sleep and I will tell you my story once you wake up." Arizona said smiling.
I understand why she did, both Ari and I know each other's stories, and hers isn't an easy one.
"Ok," Meredith said sliding down in the sheets so her head was on the pillow, "good night Ari, goodnight Addie." She mumbles, already half asleep.
Once she's asleep I look over at Ari,
"I'm proud of you," she says softly,
"Thanks Ari," I say smiling squeezing her hand, "can I kiss you?" I ask
"Please," she says softly leaning gently over Meredith and quickly pecking my lips.
"Good night Ari," I say smiling
"Goodnight Addie." She says before we both lay down either side of Meredith.

Authors Note
Sorry for the break, hope you enjoyed this chapter. Arizona's story should be out really soon, I know some people are waiting for hers but I had more votes for Addisons.

I know some people probably would have put Naomi in this scene instead of Charlotte but I really prefer Charlotte over Naomi and I also don't really like Naomi's character.

I am not a doctors nor do I have any medical knowledge so I hope this is somewhat accurate please excuse if it isn't.