Meant to be.

Conversations

⚠️TW- Eating Disorders
            -Body dysmorphia
            -Self-harm

Addisons POV

"Meredith," I say gently moving her so I could see her face, "there are a few things Ari and I want to talk to you about, is that ok?" I ask, and she nods,
"Ok first of all, I want to thank you for being so honest with me and Ari." I explain smiling at her,
"We know that's not easy and to be able to do that takes immense courage." Arizona adds,
"Thank you," Meredith says smiling slightly.
"Second thing we wanted to talk to you about is a few things grouped together. First I've booked a therapist appointment for you with a Dr Wyatt." I explain pausing to give her time to understand what I'm saying, "it will be helpful to discuss everything with a therapist, Ari and I can be there if you want but we also don't have to be"
Meredith isn't saying anything but I can see in her eyes she listening and taking in the information.
"Does that sound ok?" Arizona prompts and Meredith nodes her head. I'm glad she's accepting this help.
"Two more things left to discuss," I say gently running my hand over Meredith back.
"They are slightly bigger conversations so you can choose which order you want to have them in." I explain, "first is about a potential coping mechanisms and the other is about your eating and food." I say gently,
"Food first," Meredith says softly,
"That's fine." Arizona says beside me. "We have a few questions and some answers for you ok?" Ari explains holding Meredith's hand.
"First of all do you know why you threw up?" I ask and Meredith shakes her head.
"Well we can't be certain but I think it was something called refeeding syndrome, because you didn't eat for so long your body isn't used to the food and so it rejects it." Ari explains, truthfully Ari sees it more than I do not a lot of newborn babies have eating disorder that result in refeeding syndrome.
"So that means we will need to be careful as you start to eat and reintroduce food into your system." Ari finishes,
"So I was sick because I ate the pasta?" Meredith asked her voice full of genuine curiosity.
"Exactly, we are both so incredibly proud that you are something but we will have to start with something small and work our way up. Dr Wyatt may have some ideas as well." I coo gently hugging Meredith who is still in my lap. "So we can help you better though can you tell us a bit more about why you weren't eating?" I ask gently,
"I um.." she mumbles
"It's ok take your time." Ari coos,
"There is more than one reason." Meredith says quietly
"Ok can you tell us the reasons," Ari prompts
"Well one is that a lot of food make me feel sick even just the um smell of then can make me feel nauseas" Meredith reveals, ok that is something to take note of and mention to Dr Wyatt.
"Also it's because I'm too fat, I can't eat lots of carbs or sugar I need to loose weight." She says so quietly I can barely hear and my head breaks. She isn't fat not at all she is a tiny, most likely underweight. I know it's not something she can help and she is not trying to do it to hurt herself I wouldn't be surprised if she experienced Body Dysmorphia, but the poor girl.
"I know that was hard thank you for telling us." Arizona say gently, and I just hold Meredith in my lap I don't want anything to happen to her she's so innocent yet not at the same time this world has done her wrong.
"Ok that last thing we wanted to talk to you about it a coping mechanism," I say gently, "we want to help you find positive coping mechanisms the ones you've been using aren't healthy."
She looks at me before looking down at her arms and see her eyes quickly drop down to her legs before returning to me and I know, so does Ari but neither of say anything.
"What kind of coping mechanisms?" She asks her wise eyes looking between me and Ari.
"Well I told Addison about your visit to go see Ellis," Ari starts, "and I could tell from that visit that you didn't have a very good childhood? I'm guessing Ellis expected you to grow up quite quickly?" She asked, still holding Meredith's hand,
"Um yeah... thatcher left when I was about 3 but he was never really there before that either. And mum was always busy so I wasn't allowed to bother her. I spend most of the time either at the hospital day care or school." Meredith answered, I'm so proud of how far she's come in even just a day she's opening up to us, and I know it's not necessarily going to stay this way every question we ask we risk her shutting down again but I'm so happy she's feeling comfortable enough to open up.
"Oh Mer," I coo,
"Well because if that we thought possible age-regression might help you to cope." Arizona explains, Meredith thinks for a minute before looking at me confused.
"What do you mean?" She asks, her face slightly scrunched up as she tries to think.
"Well age-regression is a type of coping mechanism where you let your mind drift to a younger headspace that would allow you to both experience what childhood should have been like and also to heal your own childhood trauma." I begin to explain, "so you would be able to regress back to a headspace of whatever age you want and me and Arizona would look after you, some people refer to it as a MDLG relationship, but it wouldn't be a sexual thing at all just a way for you to cope." I finish explaining. Meredith just looks at me for a moment I can see her processing what I've said.
"So I would act like a baby?" Meredith asked and I could hear the hesitation in her voice.
"Kind of but it's not acting, you just let your mind go and yes you might do things similar to a baby, but it doesn't have to be a baby you could regress to a 10 year old or a 5 year old or it could change. I truthfully think it will help, I noticed and so did Addie that when you fell asleep earlier you where sucking your thumb so I think subconsciously you might already use this coping technique at least parts of it." Arizona answered beside me,
"Ok, but what did you mean you would look after me?" Meredith asked,
"Well sometimes when someone regresses or as it's sometimes called slips into a younger headspace they need help to be looked after similar to a child who's parents looks after them." I explain hoping I wasn't pushing too far.
"So you and Arizona would look after me like parents?" Meredith confirmed, she didn't seem hesitant more so just checking her understanding
"Only when you need us." Arizona answers,
"Ok I think I can do that," Meredith said smiling
"I'm glad," I say, "now are you tired would you like to try and get some sleep?" I ask knowing it's been a bit day and even though she slept earlier it might be helpful for her to get some more sleep. Meredith nods against be chest as she leans into me yawning.
"Ok let's get you to bed sweetheart." I say gently standing up and carrying her to my bed.
"Meredith can I help you get changed into some more comfortable clothing?" I ask noticing she's still in the clothes she wore to visits Ellis.
"Yes please," she says but doesn't make any effort to move I don't mind though, I go over to her duffel bag and pull out a hoodie. I'm not surprised when I feel something solid inside, as I look down I can see it's a box of blades, I decide now is not the time to discuss it. I quickly grab a pair of leggings from the bag as well before heading back to Meredith.
"Do you want to do it or do you want help?" I ask, it's a good time to try and let Meredith regress a bit.
"Help" Meredith mumbles, I can tell she feels ashamed but I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to ask for the help.
"Sounds good," I say, Arizona moves to sit behind Meredith so she can lean on her while start to help her get changed. As I see her without her shirt on my heart sinks she's so skinny I can see her ribs protruding out under her skin. She shivering so I quickly pop her hoodie on before helping her remove Amy's trousers, as I do I can see the scars on her legs and I know Arizona does too but we don't say anything. Meredith winces slightly as the new leggings move a few obviously fresh cuts,
"I'm sorry," she mumbled under her breath but before I could respond Ari does.
"You don't need to be sorry, it's a battle you're facing and accepting help is the first step to getting better." Ari explains, I can see Meredith is still hesitant.
"There is no need to be ashamed, when both Ari and I were struggling we used to cut out legs as well. In fact I still have scars on my legs." I explain quickly helping her finish putting her leggings on before grabbing a pair of tracksuit pants for myself removing my tights to show her the scars on my legs.
I can see in her face that she feels more comfortable once she's seen my scars, I think on some level she doubted how much me and Ari understood but know she knew.
I pulled the tracksuits on myself sitting down next to her in the bed, as I pulled back the covers and she crawled underneath.
"Addie, Ari?" She asks quietly once she's comfortable.
"Yes my love," I coo gently running one of my hands through her hair, while the holding Arizona hand who is lying on the other side of Meredith.
"Can you please tell me your story?" She asks
"If you want, do you want to hear mine or Addies story first?" Ari asks making herself comfortable next to Meredith.
"Um.." Meredith thinks for a moment.

Authors Note
I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always leave comments and ideas.
Big question do you want to hear Arizona or Addisons story first, I'll do them one after the other so it won't be a big difference.

To those who like reading my other stories I have finished the plan for my new story; I should be posting the first chapter soon.