Deviated

Nam-soon.

I couldn't get a grip over some of my emotions when we were this close and this is how it has been since day one.

It is an unforgiving, cold revenge and a mission to save my nation for me - ninety nine percent of it is, but in the past four months the rest one percent has also been a reason of worry inside my head.

Unlike my other missions which had always ended smoothly, this was not going to according to my plan. The mission involved love as a task which has never happened with my other cases.

And I couldn't treat him like a case sometimes.

I was scared about this one percent difference. It could make me give him a space of doubt that maybe he is not the worse kind who has to be mercilessly killed.

This one percent could turn into a hundred percent and I might allow him to be close to my soul

I could get deviated.

The chain of thoughts broke as I heard his clearing his throat.

'Will you stand up Tsetseg ? ' Ryu Si-Oh asked, close to my left ear.

' You're the one holding me ? ' I flashed a bright smile to him, hiding the nervousness behind it.

I could feel the heat radiating off his palm in my waist, despite the layer of clothing. It was hard to control my breaths and simultaneously, hold into my character of innocent Tsetseg.

Si-Oh helped me stand back.

He kept looking at me and walked infront of me. I wanted him to step back, not because I was uncomfortable but to give myself a space to collect my emotions and thoughts. Instead, he slowly pushed me back by stepping closer to me, my thighs hitting the rim of his wooden desk.

He caged my waist again, this time holding me tighter.

He closed down the last inch of gap between us, his chest pressing down on mine.

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't act like I was not losing control. My breaths started to get heavy. Something was flowing through my body and feeling like an intense burn. This was the first sexual contact of my life. I was confused. My body was burning. And I couldn't keep my focus. All because of him.

I tried to push him back, passing him a confused smile like I had no idea what was happening.

But Si-Oh didn't move. Instead he grabbed my left arm placed on his chest and twisted it back, holding it gently there. Pushing me further into him.

I felt the thumb of his right hand slowing sliding to and fro over the side of my waist - making me grab the desk behind me that has been locking me down with him in this position.

It felt oddly intimate. It didn't felt like a hypersexual murderer was trying to get inside my pants.

He let go the side of my waist and his fingers went down to the rim of his black shirt I was wearing, pulling it up. I felt his fingers which had turned cold because of air conditioner in his office - touching the bare skin of my back.

' Si...Sir...' I couldn't stop the moan.

' Hmm....' I heard him responding. His hand moving up from my lower back to the middle.

The bare minimum contact between us was turning my eyes heavy. Maybe because this is my first time.

I don't know, I just wanted to close my eyes right now and feel him, feeling me.

I never felt like this when I was with Hee-Sik. It was not making me panic, like the attempted kiss from him on our first date. I had stepped back from him and made an excuse to leave, bringing an abrupt end to whatever that was. I never had any kind of wish for him to be sensual with me.

But with Si-Oh, everything was falling out from the decided path. I was not anxious. I didn't wanted to run away. I liked his dominance over me.

He bended his head, placing his soft lips over the side of my neck. My head moving back , exposing more of my skin for him.  He moved down and kissed the base of my neck, softly.

He let go of my left hand which was locked behind my back, rubbing the area where he had gripped on. It made my knees feel weak right now. 

His right palm slided from my back to the front of my waist slowly - placing it over my navel, trying to push me down over his desk. His lips were locked over my collar bone, sucking on the skin lightly. My breath hitched.

' Ahhhh ' I moaned. 

Restricting myself from this, whatever was happening felt like a cruelty on my own body now.

He slided the right side collar of my shirt down, exposing my skin.

I was half lying over his desk, the glass feeling cold against my heated skin. His weight was pushing me down more. He pulled his face up from my neck and looked at me.

His eyes were dark, intensely looking at me but I could see the softness in them too. Even if I lacked experience , I could feel what it was.

My first target was happening. I have a place in his heart. He was losing control. But it didn't feel like a celebration, as it should have according to the plan.