Deviated

Namsoon

I have no control over my actions, my breaths, body....I have no control over any fucking thing right now - all because of this man standing with his forehead pressed on mine.

I had to press my thighs together to erase the subtle pain down there, but the friction sent another sensation through my clitoris, making me grit my teeth.

I have to remind myself. I will be killing him or arresting him in next two months.

Meeting him, making him fall in love with  me, his trust, even getting married if nothing works - All of this was suppose to be steps to decode about Retsen. I am not Tsetseg. I am Namsoon, the officer of Korean Intelligence Agency who had a purpose to be here.

But he has started to feel inevitable now. There are certain parts of life, where we have no choice because it's written by fate. And he is such a part of my life, like departing from my mother was. So it's turning scary for me.

When he had touched my lips, it felt like he surpassed my body and had touch something which exist deeper in me. And as his hands had caressed my breast, I was not triggered to protect myself - an instinct that had been injected in me with years of training in the agency.

I was not behaving like the way I would . I wanted to cry. I was feeling weak and fragile in his presence. This is not good for the mission.

For the first time, I wanted to abort a mission.

I opened my eyes and watched Si-Oh take a step back from me. Then another. His eyes and his actions pole apart.

He stood there, two feet away from me. His breaths uneven and loud enough to crack through the silence of his office and reach me.

His jaw was flexing as he gritted his teeth together. He was trying hard to control himself. My eyes were fixed on him, curious about what he would do next and before I could make a guess, he covered the two feet of distance between us in one step and pressed me back on the wall again, pulling down my sleeves harshly.

I couldn't stop the moan from leaving my lips.

He pressed his lip on my neck sending sensations through out my body once again. He pulled the skin between his teeth and sucked the spot, making me fall over his arm. He pushed me further on the wall with his body and looked at me. I could see a myriad of emotions in his eyes - concern, yearning, fear, care - all of them, for me.

I don't know why and how, but I reached for his face - caressing his right cheek. He closed his eyes and pressed his face on my palm. More than a criminal, he was starting to appear like a human seeking for love and comfort somewhere.

I watched him take a deep breath and step back from me, again.

' Please leave. ' Si-Oh said, looking away from me.

I could feel he was yearning for me. He wanted to be close to me. Then why ?

' Why ? ' I asked, suddenly frustrated again.

He looked at me.

' I am not answerable to anyone. ' He said, looking at me angrily. Fake

I was not scared of him, right now.

' You are ' I retorted back, my pitch a bit higher than it normally is.

' No. Get back to your work. ' He answered, calmly.

' You are. ' I repeated, taking a step towards him. He took a step back to maintain the distance between us.

' I am not answerable to a front desk assistant. '

I looked at him, stunt by his words. This was the first time in four months, he had reminded me of my limits.

I was confused and angry. I am not the kind of person who would eat everything served to her.

He turned around to walk back to his desk. I held his right hand and twisted it back, followed by his left hand.

' What the fuck are you doing ? ' Si-Oh almost screamed at me, struggling to get out of my hold.

I grabbed his tie which had been hanging around his neck and pulled it off.

Wrapping it around his wrists, I tied a tight knot and secured them.

I stood on my toe and reached close to his left ear, his breaths heavy, the vein of his neck popping up - outlined by his soft skin.

' You are not answerable to your employees, but you are to me. To the woman you had just kissed. ' I said, my heart beating frantically.

I am really testing the length of my lifeline right now.