Deviated

Arrested.

Can I have a little chat ? I have no friend to talk with and I am feeling anxious rn.

I didn't pass my medical school entrance once again. There was a time when I used top my class and win medals. It looks like a Mirage now, more than a memory. I have untreated adhd (neurodivergent) and it keeps messing with my life. This was my 9th attempt. I hate looking at the disappointment in my parents eyes. I slipped into depression when I was in my senior school (16yo ) and it dragged for 10 years. I visited a psychiatrist once in 2019 without telling my parents, but the psychiatrist made me feel so horrible about myself - I fainted in hospital. It has only been a year, I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore. I did tell my parents about my neurodivergency but they think it is an excuse.

It's frustrating to know my potential. It's frustrating to look at my surgeon dream, which has been the only rope dragging me through the past ten years but I keep failing in it because my brain is wired in a different way. And finding a good psychiatrist in India who can diagnose adult adhd, is like dreaming I would marry Kim Namjoon one day.

I dropped out of University two times. I had let go btech agriculture in a top University. I have no graduation rn. I am 27yo. Zero earning. Writing in Wattpad which gives me a bit of peace but even here my neurodivergency makes me inconsistent. I have a class 5 student I tutor who pays me Rs.500 and she says I make the concepts so easy for her to understand that she would be topping the subject this year. It makes me feel good because this is what I didn't have in my school. Still everything feels like a maze. Living in severe depression, hoping to die was less scarier than getting out of it as 27yo and seeing the big gap I have infront of me when I look at other twenty seven years old.

Sorry for the rant. Here you go and thank you for reading my first story. Even if it is just ten of you. I know my brain makes me inconsistent, but I truly treasure y'all.

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He looked at Namsoon, standing infront of him in the interrogation room - the questions asked by the officer sitting infront of him, passing over his head.

' We have looked at the documents. There is clear involvement of you. ' The officer said.

Namsoon was talking with another officer, who was sitting in the right corner of the room, with a laptop - continously typing since the interrogation begin.

She could feel Si-Oh looking at her and somewhere, she was scared to look back at him. She had decieved him but she never had guess, he would change so much in six months and suffer, wish for death. She never thought, she would become someone important to him. This was suppose to be always a mission.

It felt awkward to her.

It made her anxious.

But she couldn't deny that they never had anything in between them. 

The truth was, she has always lost control over herself because of him. She had terribly fail to wipe away the way her body remembered his touch.

Namsoon clutched on the pen tightier, she was walking on the same arc as Si-Oh - not a single word of the conversation which they were a part of, was going inside their brain. They were lost.

Deviated from their goal and converging into each other.

Unless the officer infront of Si-Oh, banged his fist on the table placed in between them.

' I AM ASKING YOU SOMETHING ! ' The officer ordered, making Si-Oh look at him. He closed his eyes, took a long deep breath and opened them back. The right  corner of his lip tilted upward, forming a mocking smirk at the officer and his balls.