LOVE BEYOND LESSONS (A Teacher and Student Romance)

XII - BI. JOHN REED

Monday came and I am dreading this day. The word "pain" doesn't seem to do this feeling credit; I'm not sure whether any one word could properly capture the full range of feelings and their unadulterated intensity. I promise you that I have never experienced pain like this before. I have gone to hell and back, but I don't think I've ever felt pain like this.

My heart feels as though it has been ripped apart—not smashed or shattered, but torn. The funny thing about it is that why does it feel so painful, we were never committed to one another to begin with, and that's maybe the reason why I felt a different kind of pain it is because I am already shattered before we could be a couple, and there is no way we could be together even though we both have feelings for each other.

I entered his room and as always he is already seated on his desk, waiting for his students. I decided to seat at the back far away from his desk, I can't bear to be close to him even though my desk is two tables behind his. He wanted nothing from me, and I should accept it as early as now.

Once everyone settled in he began to teach, and I tried my best not to look at him, but tried my best to listen as well. Everything was smooth as if he is not affected on what happened, after all if you have a career that you need to take care of it is easy for it to forget the things that can potentially tarnish your image. When the school bell rings I am out for the door before everybody else.

At the end of my classes I went to the library right away, it is ironic now that I wanted to be out of school as soon as possible, but I do have some responsibilities that I don't need to be taken for granted. I am busy doing my tasks, when I saw Rob entered the library, he did not stopped to say hi or to looked at me and I quite understand after all this is his idea. I heard him laughed with Mrs. Geoff and I can't help noticed how fast he got over it, or maybe I was the only one over reacting about things, but I don't care I can't fool what I am feeling
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"Ms. Reed?" Mrs. Geoff called me, damn it! What do she needs now? I looked at her trying my best not to look at Rob.

"Can you look this book for Mr. Bailey? I'll just talk to him here while we wait for you" she said, I stood up and get the piece of paper from her, and read the title of the book Rob needed. I did not look or talk when I turned my back and went to the literature section to look for it, once I located it I returned and gave the book to Mrs. Geoff all a while ignoring Rob's stare

"Thanks Ms. Reed" Rob said, I gave him a weak smile, and returned to my desk to finish the task on hand. I expected him to leave now but he and Mrs. Geoff is still talking they are talking about a certain ancestral house of Mrs. Geoff.

I busied myself and imagined Rob is not around so that I can finish my task immediately and it worked. Once done, I said my goodbyes to Mrs. Geoff not bothering to go to her cubicle, and went out the school.

My legs are wobbly so I sat at the bottom stairs of the school entrance to compose myself, I took a deep breath and close my eyes, Rob told me that we will be doing the right thing, but I can't help to think how wrong my feelings right now, I never wanted anything between us to end yet there is no us to begin with it.

"Ugh! Damn it!" I muttered standing up, then that's when I realized Rob was looking at me, with his hands in his pocket. I did not noticed he followed me behind

"Ro-Mr. Bailey" I stammered clutching my chest, he did not say anything he just looked at me "I go ahead" I said and turned my back away from him.

I can't trust myself to do the right thing if I stayed longer, part of me had wanted him to stopped me but he did not, of course what will I expect he was the one who initiated this after all. I walked going back to our house sighing heavily, I wish by now I do have a car and made a mental note to get my license and to check online for used car that's on sale.