If Satan was a woman | B.E

24

klovers pov

[TW: eating DO, self-harm]

billie pulls into the spot, putting the car in park. it started raining on the way here so we decided that it would be better if we both stayed in the car and chatted.

I turn my body to look at billie completely, sitting crisscross. billie mimics my actions but instead leaves a leg down.

"so.." I started, awkwardly looking to the side. never in a million years did I think I was gonna be in a car with my ex-girlfriend.

"so," she said, also looking off to the side.

we both sit in an awkward silence before we both spoke up at the same time.

"I'm sorry-"

"listen-"

we both stop and stare at each other before cracking a smile, seeing her slightly blush.

"you go," she said, positioning herself in a more comfortable position even though it just gave me a better view of her imprint. I felt my eyes widen and I looked at the not-so-interesting tree by her window.

"no, you go, you're the one who needs to explain what happened," I said.

she nods, clearly getting nervous. she clears her throat before grabbing a water bottle from the middle console and downing it. I'd be lying if I said she didn't look hot right now.

she awkwardly closes the bottle, me watching her every move. she's doing this on purpose because she's nervous, I know her too well. she starts doing something else to distract herself.

"billie, you doing something else won't make me get out and leave. I'm gonna sit here and wait for you to explain." I said, rolling my eyes.

she reaches for the a/c and turns it on, focusing on anything but me.

"billie," I repeated myself, tilting my head while looking at her.

she looks at me and her face goes red which makes me crack a smile.

she sighed before speaking up.

"so um- I- to be- you- well you see." she started taking a deep breath. I nod, knowing confrontation isn't easy. talking about anything serious isn't easy at all.

"I never meant what I did klover... I was so stressed. I was getting scouted and I wanted to keep it a secret from you because I wanted to surprise you knowing you've always wanted this for me." she started. I grabbed her hand and held it in mine only because I knew it helped it.

only because of that.

I felt her breath hitch and her stare on our hands, her breathing relaxing by the second.

she looks up at me with soft eyes, making me smile at her.

"I'm mad at you billie, you hurt me. but that doesn't mean I hate you." I half whispered, noticing that made her feel way better.

"well," she continues, holding onto my hand. "I got caught up in my stress and didn't notice myself sorta- falling out? I wanted an escape but I still didn't wanna spill the stupid surprise. I was out at the store and zoey found me. she somehow ended up talking me into going to her house and I was so tired of her pressuring me, I gave in." she said, guilt leaking out of her.

"that day you opened the door on us, I was on my way back home and she kept following me. I swear I never invited her in." I nodded, willing to listen to her.

"it kept going, she gaslighted me. I don't- I don't know how, I swear. I tried to tell her no but she always made me feel bad. after you left me... it hasn't been easy." she said, her voice suddenly breaking. she paused, looking down.

"you can tell me anything bil, anything you're comfortable with," I said, now holding both of her hands in mine.

"I stopped eating, I don't really get an appetite anymore. I cut once thinking I deserved it." a sob left her mouth. I instantly climbed over the console and straddled her lap, pulling her head into my chest. I ran my hand through her hair and felt her arms wrapping around my waist.

"finn- finneas found me and I felt so disappointed in myself. I scared him so bad klover, he kept watching over me for the next three months," she said, her cries now harder. I felt myself tear up hearing her struggles.

"shh it's okay bil, I got you, love." I said.

I pulled away and cupped her face, wiping her tears with my thumbs. she closed her eyes, embarrassment clearly displayed on her face.

"billie look at me." she kept her eyes closed, her hands now gripping my shirt.

"baby look at me please," I said, almost begging. she finally opened her pretty eyes, them piercing into mine.

"I forgive you billie. I forgive you okay? I'm here now. I can't exactly jump into a relationship with you anymore but... we can be friends." I said, softly smiling at her.

I felt her body relax and her head come in contact with my chest. she continued sobbing while murmuring small 'thank you's and 'i'm sorry's'.

we stayed like that until I knew she was okay, I held her in my arms reminding her she was human and that people make mistakes.

"I'll help you treat yourself like you should okay?" I said, kissing the top of her head. she nodded and hugged me tighter, now only sniffling.

the rain hit the roof of the car which was now the only thing heard. we sat in each other's embrace, only us.

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this chapter hits home 🥲 - key