Hatchetfield.

Incorrect Quotes - 4

These ones will mostly be about Daniel and Hannah! Yes this will get chaotic.

Hannah: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*
Daniel: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?
Hannah: I—
Hannah: I don't know the correct answer to that question.

Daniel: How's practice going?
Hannah: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there.
Daniel: Okay, just don't get any blood on your clothes.
Hannah: ...you shouldn't be condoning this.
Daniel: Don't tell me how to live my life.

Daniel: Hannah, you look deep in thought. What's wrong?
Hannah: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it's like to lick it? Even if you've never touched it before?
Daniel: I'm never asking you anything ever again.

Hannah: I think we can all agree I'm the ten amongst these threes.

Hannah: *watching their house burn down*
Hannah:
Hannah: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

Hannah: I made tea.
Daniel: I don't want tea.
Hannah: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Daniel: Then why did you tell me?
Hannah: It's a conversation starter.
Daniel: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Hannah: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Hannah: I think we should kiss.
Daniel: And I think you should die but we don't always get what we want.

*Daniel is substitute teaching*
Student: What did you say?
Daniel: I said, whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe!

Hannah: Hey, Daniel?
Daniel, playing a video game with the squad: What?
Hannah: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
Daniel: Wh- what is it, Hannah?
Hannah: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
Daniel: Mhm.
Hannah: Because I have to go out of town for a weekend this month. And, so I was like- I won't give specific dates, but I was like, do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or the next weekend?
Daniel: Yeah?
Hannah: Your response.
Daniel: *trying not to crack up*
Hannah: At 9:30 in the morning.
Hannah: "motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg jesus Christ motherfucking Facebook movie jesus can you believe this shit"
Daniel: *laughing*
Hannah: No- no- no punctuation. Random capitalization.
Daniel: You just made me dieeee...
Hannah: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
Hannah: 45 minutes pass. I get a text from you.
Hannah: "goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse eisenberg man"
Daniel: *wheezing with laughter*
Hannah: I respond "Daniel, you're scaring me." An hour passes-
Hannah: You respond, "motherfucking spiderman Spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking built shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit jesse eisenberg"
Hannah: "im very tired"
Daniel: *struggling to breathe*
Hannah: And- and I'm just like, "No- no worries, Daniel, I'll- I'll do most of the talking at the hangout today-"
Hannah: IMMEDIATE, like, response, like I'm talking 5 seconds later,
Hannah: "no man ill just talk all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent Resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck invented Facebook All I can think is who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook"
Hannah: And then, in all capital letters, two hours later,
Daniel: *falling over with laughter*
Hannah: "MARK ZUCKERBERG."

Hannah: Daniel is forbidden from monologuing.

Hannah: *plays shreksophone*
Hannah: Woo.
Hannah: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity.
Daniel: ...Genius coping mechanism my friend

Daniel: You're charged with.....breaking into a pet store?
Hannah: I thought the animals might be lonely.

Daniel with a gun to Hannah's head: What happens if I pull this trigger? Heaven?
Hannah: Bold of you to assume I'll go to Heaven.

Hannah: Remain CALM! *slaps Daniel multiple times*

Daniel: *chokes on something*
Hannah: Jeez, Daniel, don't die on us.
Daniel: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!

Hannah: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar?
Daniel: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Hannah: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

Daniel: I started school with straight A's. Now I'm not even straight.

Hannah: No, this is not a mess. You know what I consider a mess?
Daniel: Your life?
Hannah: I- well yes, but-

Daniel: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-
Hannah: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

Hannah: What kinds of sounds annoy you?
Daniel: Are we talking real sounds or imaginary ones?
Hannah, now interested: Lets say imaginary.
Daniel: Spiders wearing flip flops.

*at the supermarket*
Hannah: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil."
Hannah:
Hannah: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin.

Hannah: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might.
Daniel: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Daniel: Bonjour, Hannah. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
Hannah: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
Daniel: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

Daniel: Heh, Hannah sneezes like a girl.
Hannah: How about I pound you like boy?
Hannah: That didn't come out right.

Hannah: I know every song to ever exist it doesn't matter if it's from the past, present or the future.
Daniel: Oh yeah? Then continue this.
Daniel: I don't cook I don't clean-
Hannah: So let me tell you how I got this ring.
Hannah & Daniel: .....
Hannah & Daniel: GOBBLE ME, SWALLOW ME-