Hatchetfield.

incorrect quotes - 5

A/N: Yayyyy Hannah and Daniel being them again and SPITFIRE!!! + one extra appearance from Mr. Davidson, Grace Chasity and Jason Jepson

Hannah: I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.
Daniel: Why are you telling me this, I don't care.
Daniel right after Hannah leaves the room: I miss them already.

Daniel, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.

*During a game of Hangman*
Daniel: Nope, there's no Q. You lose.
Sophia: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something!
Daniel: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

Daniel: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP-
Sophia: ...Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE??
Daniel: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Sophia: I choose to waive that right!
Sophia: *screaming*

Daniel: Guys! I found a 100 dollar bill!
Daniel: *looks around* ....Should I keep it?
Hannah : Daniel, just do the right thing.
Sophia: And put in your bag.
Hannah : No—

Mr. Davidson: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

Hannah , barging in: Syphilis!
Daniel:
Hannah:
Daniel: Pardon?

*At a speed dating event*
Jason: Oh wow, people are really shallow.
Grace : Consider it a background check. For example: Do you have a death certificate?
Jason: *Checks his pulse* Sorry, not yet.
Grace : Good, I'm not fucking a ghost again.

Sophia : I have a 1:30 appointment.
Hannah : Which doctor?
Sophia : No, I want the regular doctor.

Sophia : Daniel noticed only today that they can label his email inboxes, but they took apart his entire bloody laptop two weeks ago.
Hannah : This reminds me of the Daniel who couldn't turn on the coffee maker, but remembers about 500 digits of pi.
Sophia : I'll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same Daniel.

Hannah : Why are you late?
Daniel: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.
Hannah : Overslept?
Daniel: Overslept.

Sophia : Which movie are you and Hannah  going to see tonight?
Daniel: Oh, I always go to whichever movie Hannah  wants.
Sophia : Which one do they want to see?
Daniel: I haven't decided yet.

Daniel, to Sophia : All right, let's tell each other a secret about ourselves. I'm going to go first– I hate you.

Sophia: So when are we gonna tell him?
Sophia : Just give them a minute.
Daniel: *Pulling on a door that clearly says push.*

Sophia : Punch me in the face.
Daniel: ...Punch you?
Sophia : Yes, punch me, didn't you hear me?
Daniel: I always hear 'punch me in the face' while you're speaking but it's usually just subtext.

Daniel: MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BEES TO MY CAR
Daniel: I SPILLED
Daniel: ALL OVER MY CAR
Daniel: BEES ARE
Daniel: INSIDE OF MY CAR
Daniel:THEY COULD KILL ME
Daniel:I'M ALLERGIC TO BEES

Hannah: Do you even know what an amulet is?
Daniel: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions!
Hannah: Daniel, those are omelettes.
Daniel: Oh. Then I've got nothing.

Hannah: You remind me of mac and cheese.
Daniel: How so?
Hannah: I love mac and cheese.

Hannah: Pros and cons of dating me.
Hannah: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Hannah: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Sophia : I'm an empath. When I'm around hot gay people, I start having gay thoughts.

Person: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.
Sophia: But I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.

Hannah: *angrily presses Daniel against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?!
Daniel: ...
Daniel: Are we about to kiss-

Hannah: Do you love me?
Daniel: So much. Why?
Hannah: Just checking. It seems like you want me to die.

Hannah: I think I just figured something out. I got to go.
Daniel: Aren't you forgetting something?
Hannah: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Daniel's forehead before running out.*
Daniel: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

Hannah, at Daniel: Bro, you better shut the fuck up before I look at you one day and feel warm and realize I've fallen in love with you bro. I'm serious, quit it dude.

Daniel: Yo, what if we placed our beds next to each other in Minecraft?
Hannah: Um. There's a problem.
Daniel: Yes?
Hannah: Uh. Don't get mad.
Hannah: I don't own Minecraft.

Hannah: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.
Sophia: All I drank was Redbull!
Hannah: How many?
Sophia: Eighteen.

Sophia: Why does Daniel always do the laundry so loudly?
Hannah: So everyone knows that no one helps them out in the house.
Daniel, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

Hannah: Am I going to far?
Daniel: No, no, no. You went too far about 7 hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Hannah: I didn't drink that much last night.
Paul: You were flirting with Daniel.
Hannah: So what? They're my partner.
Paul: You asked if they were single.
Paul: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Hannah: You have to apologize to them Daniel.
Daniel: Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the person you fell in love with Hannah!

Hannah: Fuck you.
Daniel: No u.
Hannah: I'm down.
Daniel: You're like 12, what the fuck-
Hannah: I AM NOT 12!?

Hannah: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.
Daniel: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.
Hannah: ...
Hannah: You mean ring bearER, right?
Daniel: ...
Hannah: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Daniel: I'm trash.
Hannah: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?
Daniel:
Daniel: You smooth motherfucker.
Daniel: And yes it does.