Hatchetfield.

Chopped (Up)

Tw: Please do not throw up like Peter will in this story sorry sorry sorry sorry felt fucked up today.

Humans were delicious.

That's what Nibbly had learned over the centuries spent tormenting Hatchetfield with his brothers. Now yes, of course there was other food that the mortals made-his own personal favorites were hard candies, lollipops, something with a good crunch ("Did you know that some places call these 'suckers'?" he'd told Blinky once, excitedly gnawing on a massive swirly lollipop that he'd gotten from who knows where. "Humans are suckers too! So easy to lure in...")

But nothing was quite like a fresh kill.

Due to this well-known fact, Tinky knew that Nibbly was absolutely perfect for his newest game. He wasn't using his brother, of course not-Nibbly would get compensation in the form of a lovely feast.

Well. Hopefully it'd be lovely. Tinky wasn't really sure how well this specific Ted could cook.

Nibbly had happily agreed to the plan, bouncing up and down excitedly on the balls of his feet at the promise of free food. "What kind is it? Any specific theme? Chinese? Mexican? Italian?"

Tinky chuckled, flicking Nibbly's visor lightly. "You'll see soon Nibs, just you wait."

Nibbly grinned to himself as he watched Tinky dart away, excited for what was to come.

~

Peter didn't know where the fuck he was, or how he'd gotten there. The place looked innocent enough-a large, fancy kitchen with three workspaces laid out and a fully stocked pantry bursting with fresh ingredients. Weird, but alright. He also found that he was dolled up in a bright purple apron-of all the colors, why that one? Purple was great, sure, but when it was softer and not so...eyebleeding.

"Uh..." Peter glanced around, beginning to get nervous. He was alone in here, in an unfamiliar place, was he about to get murdered?

"Dear Lord, what is this garish attire?"

Alright, never mind. Not alone.

Turning to his right, Peter found a woman who definitely wasn't standing there before-she was very obviously rich with how many pearls and diamonds she had on her (he assumed that they were real and frankly was too intimidated by her to ask). Her hair was platinum, topped by a very ugly fur hat, and-hey wait a minute, was that Linda Monroe?

Peter could've slapped himself for not recognizing her sooner-everyone knew Linda Monroe. You had to be living under the Earth's crust to not know who she was.

Unfortunately for Linda, she'd also been forced into an apron. Hers was Barbie doll pink, and after a single glance at it, Peter was immediately grateful he'd gotten purple instead.

"What are you staring at, little boy?"

Peter jolted out of his thoughts, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Shit, he'd been caught looking, what should he say-

"Uh, um, I... I'm so sorry ma'am I-"

"Pete?"

Ted?

Spinning around and deciding to ignore Linda for now, Peter was face to face with his brother. He too had an apron, and his was probably the worst out of all of them: a shade of lemon yellow that made Pete's eyes water just by looking at it.

"Holy shit Pete-where are we?"

Peter fumbled for a response, instead choosing to just shrug. "I'm not...entirely sure? I mean it looks like a kitchen, but I don't know why we'd-"

The lights chose that moment to dim, focusing in on a wooden table at the front of the room. One of the three chairs seated at it-the middle one-spun around to reveal a man dressed in the same shade of yellow as Ted. From his hair to his hourglass patterned socks, he looked like one of Richie's anime characters or if a rabid banana got up and grew legs.