Hatchetfield.

Incorrect Quotes:

Ethan: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Lex : Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Ethan, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Ethan: So you like cats?
Lex : Yeah.
Ethan: *tries to impress her by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

Hannah: I feel like I can be myself around you.
Lex : You're weird and quiet around me.
Hannah: Yes.

Paul: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Emma: That's great, Paul. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Bill : Why is there blood everywhere?
Alice : I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Bill : You stabbed someone?!
Alice : No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Paul: We are not mad. We are just disappointed.
Ted: No, we are mad.
Paul: Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
Ted: No, we're not!
Paul: I am not a mind reader, Ted!

Ted: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend.
Paul: Yeah?
Ted: Bitch.

Tinky : Do you want to play 20 Questions?
Ted: Sure!
Ted: Whats your favorite color?
Tinky , laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Peter: I truly hate it here <3
Grace: Now replace "it" with "women". Not so funny now, is it?
Stephanie: Now replace "it" with "women". Not so funny now, is women?
Ruth: Now replace "funny" with "women". Not so women now, is funny?
Richie: I'm having a fucking stroke.
Stephanie: Now replace "stroke" with "baby". Congratulations!

Grace: What's the worst thing you guys have done?
Stephanie: Rickrolled my teacher in 4th grade.
Ruth: I kicked Peter in the shin-
Peter: -So I kicked Ruth between the legs.
Richie: I burned a house down.
Grace: What?!
Peter: What the hell is wrong with you?!?
Richie: A lot of things.
Ruth: No shit.

*Richie and Max looking at a locked gate into a park*
Richie: Aw. :(
Max : You know what they say.
Richie: Please don't-
Max : BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*
Richie: Frick-

Max : You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.
Richie: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

Richie, at Max 's funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Richie, leaning over Max 's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you're not dead.
Max , sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.

Stephanie : That was so hot, Peter.
Peter: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.
Stephanie : I'm so in love with you.

Peter: Stephanie and I are no longer friends.
Stephanie : PETER THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE'RE DATING!

Bill: What did you two do?
Alice:
Blinky:
Bill: You're not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

Paul: Are you ready to commit?
Emma: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Emma: You got a date yet Paul?
Paul: No...
Emma: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!

Ted: What? I'm not aggressive!
Peter: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?
Ted: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

Hannah: This is a bad idea.
Daniel: Then why are you coming along?
Hannah: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

Ethan: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute.
Daniel: No, that's not how you make cookies.
Lex: FLOOR IT!!
Ethan: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!?
Daniel: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN-
Ethan: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE FUCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES!
Hannah: DO IT!
Daniel: NO-

Daniel: *about Lex and Ethan* They make a cute couple, huh?
Hannah: They certainly are standing next to each other.

Ethan: Hey Daniel, wanna third wheel on my date with Lex tomorrow?
Daniel: Sure.
Ethan: Hannah! Wanna third wheel on my date with Lex tomorrow?
Ethan: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!
Daniel & Hannah: ...
Lex: Ethan...

Grace : All right, Stephanie, that's it, you're grounded! I found a rap album hiding under your bed and it was the bad word version. I didn't raise you to be such a sinner!
Stephanie: I'm not even your kid-

Steph: So, Peter kissed me.
Ruth: And you kissed Peter back?
Steph: No, I kissed his mouth.

Solomon Lauter: Did you buy eggs like I asked?
Stephanie: Even better!
Solomon Lauter: What the fuck did you-
Stephanie: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

Grace: Did it hurt when you fell-
Max: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Grace: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Max: ...
Grace: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

Max: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Grace: I wrote you a poem.
Max, already crying: You did?

Emma: Is something burning?
Paul, leaning seductively on the counter: Just my desire for you.
Emma: Paul, the toaster is literally on fire.

Zoey: Is there something you would like to say, Emma?
Emma: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

Emma, to Ziggs: Please, picking locks is my specialty.
Emma: *throws a brick through the window*
Emma: Okay, let's go.

Deb: My hands are cold.
Alice: Here, let me hold them.
Deb: My lips are cold too.
Alice: *covers Deb's mouth with her hand*

Peter: Hey, Stephanie, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?
Stephanie: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.
Peter: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?
Stephanie: Can't really say I have.
Peter: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.
Stephanie: Sorry, Peter. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.