Hatchetfield.

Control

Ted knew he wasn't wanted at the wedding. Obviously. How could he not? No matter how much he proclaimed to be best friends with Paul, everyone, including himself, knew that was frankly untrue; they were all just too nice to point it out. Screw them.

Nah, Ted was going. He was going because, though weddings themselves are boring as all hell, the hookups afterwards are nice and steamy. All the pent up emotion from hours of talking about love and passion and being together... There's just something magical about it. Makes the whole experience better. Okay, and maybe Ted also kind of cared about Paul and wanted to be there for him. But mostly the hookup thing.

But, yeah. He knew he wasn't wanted. But that wasn't gonna stop him. He's the asshole. They can't out-asshole the asshole. He holds the throne in that department, so they'd have better luck next time. He has no shame in being rude and crashing a wedding party. In fact, he has no shame at all. Try all they want, but no one was actually gonna follow through on any shit they talked behind his back.

So he went. He showed up. He laughed, made himself known. Called out during the wedding. Who can blame him? Paul did the Borat thing, dude! Ted taught him that! If Paul really didn't want him there, he wouldn't have put that in his vows . Some part of Ted's brain counted that as a point towards the reality of their friendship (ignoring the shitload of tallies piling up under the "Paul and Ted are not actually best friends" category). Anyways, just as he expected, no one said shit about him showing up. Not to his face at least. And, hey, if he didn't know about it, it didn't matter. No one had the balls to say it with their ridiculous displays of optimism and joyful congratulations to the happy couple, while behind their eyes lurks the pain, the jealousy, the snide looks, the comments on the dress, the flowers, the other guests. Say what you want, but at least Ted spoke his mind. They're all hypocrites.

In all honesty, nothing hurt Ted more than the fact that he was not given a wedding invitation. He could admit, it stung, to be so obviously slighted and pushed aside in favor of that asshole Alan from the third floor. Really? Alan?? He's the fucking worst!

Ted was the only CCRP employee within the tech department that had not been invited. And that was painfully clear. There weren't that many of them, and it wasn't hard for Ted to overhear his coworkers chatting about how excited they were for Paul. He put two and two together, found out all the info he needed, and acted as if he had been invited. What else could he do? Reveal to the entire department that he really is the lonely, selfish, hated asshole that everyone thinks he is? Nah, he could be spared the fake-sympathetic looks he'd be given. He knew how they felt about him. All of them. He wasn't wanted. But that's exactly why he had to go.

He was going to shove it right back in Paul's face. Whatever sadness or anger or whatever he was meant to feel at this slight, Ted would show no ounce of it! He was completely unaffected. They could try what they wanted, anyone could, but they hold no candle to him. They have no say over his life. He didn't need their opinions on his outfits or his vocabulary or his sleazy personality. No one's opinion means shit to him. And that's why he had to go. He needed to prove, once and for all, that they had no control over him. No one was going to tell Ted Spankoffski what to do. He was the only one in charge of himself. He did what he wanted. And no one, no person, no living being could change that. Ted had control. And he needed them to know it.