Hell is a Teenage Girl

33

Allie Crawford

The days passed me by. Spring break was soon over and the school days came and went like nothing mattered.

Pierce and I hadn't talked much since he let me stay over that one night. I didn't blame him. I knew I hurt him a lot and if I was in his position I'd never speak to me again. Though it hurt me not to see him, I felt as though I could live with it. I respected his choices.

Late at night I stayed awake in bed wondering how things would be if everything was different and I hadn't done what I'd done.

But here I was walking through school on the Friday before prom. I told myself I was going despite the fact I really didn't want to. I didn't want to do anything lately. I wasn't sure what it was that had hit me.

I had been sad before for sure, but not like this. It was constant and nothing seemed to make it better. My mom just called me lazy, but I felt as though I literally couldn't do anything. I wanted to lay in bed all day and sleep.

Prom came around like every other day came and went.

I had picked out a dark red dress and matched my lipstick to it. At the dance I sat around by myself watching everyone pair off with one another.

All of my friends had dates and were dancing happily to the music, while I sat in my bitter puddle of self pity and sadness.

I watched Maeve and Reid dance to a song while they stared into each others eyes longingly and so in love. I wondered what that must feel like, to have everything work out the way you want.

I was happy for them, I really was, just not happy for myself. I was envious. I sought that kind of love in my own life and I knew I had a chance at it at one point.

They smiled at each other before going in for a kiss. The sight made my stomach turn. I stood up abruptly and walked toward the nearest exit, trying not to trip over my dress.

I hadn't had anything with me but my phone. I figured what was worth bringing in a purse would be checked and vetoed at the door.

I left the building and walked around the perimeter of it until I reached the back parking lot. It was dark by now, close to 8:30 or 9.

I stared up at the night sky and wondered what the hell I was even doing here. I wasn't enjoying it, I wasn't spending time with friends, I had no date. And for a moment I figured maybe I was depressed. I didn't know why. I'm sure there were many possible reasons in my life I just didn't know which ones.

I crossed my arms over my chest to shield me from the evening breeze, but it didn't do much. It was so much nicer out here, no people to bug me.

I heard footsteps to my right and turned my head to see Pierce approaching me from the side of the building. He looked good in his suit and his hair was perfectly styled.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked me as he dug into his pocket for something. He pulled out a lighter and a cigarette.

"I could ask you the same thing. They let you in with cigarettes?" I asked as I eyed him. He stood about 10 feet away from me.

"Nah. I left them in my car, came out to get one. That's why I'm here. Why are you here, Allie?"

"I needed some fresh air, it's um hot in there." I gestured to the fancy building which hosted the dance.

"Mhm."

"Do you, uh, do you have another one?" I gestured to his cigarette to which he shook his head.

"I don't, but we can share." He stretched his hand out to me with the stick between his fingers. I walked a couple steps toward him to grab it and took a couple drags off of it.