Dazed Off

a love letter, really.

mahal,

how is it that I can't forget you
but I can't remember you either

ever since I left, a part of me was put on hold
like a construction site that won't ever be completed
again
the workers never left, just stopped giving presence
I guess the supervisor gave up giving signs
telling directions similar to a youtube tutorial on a 123456789 hour loop
again and again

baby I'm the construction site
and I'm that damn supervisor

I know that the old you
will never come back
and I should do the same too
..

I remember telling them that I liked how we grew ourselves together
you discovered parts of you that I was the only one to bring out
and you
made me discover parts of me i've long forgotten

was I the only one ever thinking that?

for you, I loved myself.
because I swore to love everything you do

I know you still love me
and you forever will
but why is it so hard for you to change for the person you love?
love isn't the only thing I need
come on, aj
we aren't some forbidden-love themed movie,
just some superficial poem I dreamed us becoming.
but some parts were true
and sometimes, the some parts are everything
but it can't be anything more than  "some" in time

you lacked effort
you lacked commitment
if I'm pretty enough, I wouldn't need to beg for those

the night I told you what I felt
the night I told you "you grew cold"
the night I told you I wanted to end this

and that I shouldn't fall in love with the past

i begged myself not to take back everything I said and simply whisper, "it's nothing"

....

hey, aj
beg for me
beg for me to come back
beg for me to say I didn't mean all that

I guess your love really is not the same as mine

were you even bothered when I stopped calling you my love?

did you even realize when i started calling you by your first name?

maybe you really didn't care as much.

you have a talent for word-play,

and you took me for granted

....

aj, no matter what I do
I still miss you
and it hurts so good

you know this part of me so damn well
like it's the only thing I ever showed you
because it's the only thing you can ever love me for