you know, the funny thing is
i found the difference between thinking about you
and thinking about you
you have been on my mind for so long
that it is a normal thing
i got so used to your voice
that it engraved forever in my mind,
i will always hear you because you became one of the voices
so when i say i think about you a lot
it means i hear you even when your silenced,
i think of nothing and you're still there
sitting in a supposed chair
smiling
i don't even know where i got that memory of you
but it is stuck on me
i do not intend to drive it away.
On the other hand, when i think about you—
(argh i know everyone is sooo tired of hearing this over and over again but)
my heart aches
my stomach punches the fucking butterflies
memories of your silly silhouette flashes
i regret, try to repent
i daze off
thinking of nothing
and repeat the phrases "it's better off this way"
"if we really were for together, then we would be together"
like a chant
like a coping mechanism
like a prescription
repeat it over and over again
until the pain goes away
A/N: btw the picture is not relevant
anyone else uses gaslighting as a coping mechanism? hmm?❤️❤️
much love,
YOU ARE READING
Dazed Off
PoetrySee what the young poet wrote in her old journals at only the age of twelve, and how her mental state progressively gets worse at age fifteen:) Collection of poems mostly about God, family, love, and hate to oneself. • most impressive ranking: #6 in...
