Hlelolwenkosi

Chapter 16

When my mom saw me approaching , she ran towards me just to engulf me in a huge hug. I could tell from the way that her eyes are red and puffy that she was crying . Before we could even get in the car, my mom received a call. I couldn't tell who was calling her but whoever who called her left her in distress.

" Ma uright? " I asked her

" Mina hayi ngisharp wena ? I am just worried about you. "

" Mama ngiryt ukuthi nje I didn't expect to see him. Did you get to speak to him ?"

" Mntanami please don't speak about him.Ugogo wakho ubefonile "

" Ngempela ma utheni?"

" Uthe singayi endlini siyekuye kuyaphuthuma. "

" Ima whoa ,ma uthi ugogo which is your mother ufuna ukuthi siyeNatal khona manje ebusukweni bamanje and besides we have nothing on us besides our clothes that we are wearing what about our things do we have to leave now ?"

"  Hlelo nawe uyamazi ugogo wakho. She is always right when it comes to these things and if we have to leave now we will and also , we will buy everything on the way right now we have to leave as fast as we can. "

" Did ugogo tell you what is going on like did she specify what is going on?"

" Eish mahn Hlelo can you please stop with your questions uyamazi ugogo wakho. She just said that you have the key to what is about to happen. "

"Kanjani ma sikuphi lesokeya or is it possible that my dream is the key maybe ugogo ubekhuluma ngephupho that I had. Ngiphuphe ugogo telling me to forgive everyone who brought pain in my life in order for them to be able to communicate properly with me. "

" Ugogo wakho is telling the truth. Mntanami as much as it hurts and makes us angry we have to forgive them. What is the use of holding grudges towards people who don't even care , who are living their best lives while you are dying of heart break. But first you have to forgive yourself before you can forgive them. "

" Ma kodwa kunzima ( sniffing) you were there when I was suffering ubonile ukuthi benginjani and now I have to forgive and forget like nothing happened. "

" A person can never forget his or her past experiences but she can make peace with it. You need to accept that it happened, that you were emotionally and spiritually abused by your father and once you accept, you will be able to forgive them as well as yourself. "

"( Crying) mama kubuhlungu right now he was there looking all smart and clean, who knows ubefunani kithi ? What if he wants to finish what he started ? Angingeke ngikwazi ma at least give me time. I can't just wake up today and decide to forgive everyone just because you said so. "

" ( Sniffing) mntanami nami kuyangizwisa ubuhlungu ukukubona unje but you can't keep living in the past. Don't make the same mistake that I did because you will forever live to regret it. "

"As much as I don't want to accept kodwa uqinisile ma. I have to forgive them but I doubt I will ever forget my past experiences. And the reason why I am going to try to forgive them is because I don't want to go back to that hellhole that I was in when you remember kahle I even went straight to depression because of my so called father. "

" Ngikhumbula kahle when I was losing my baby futhi kahle kahle I had lost you, I had to look for you but please mntanami never ever allow yourself to go back to depression. "

As much as it is hard to forgive bonke abantu who broke me, I have to even though a part of me still feels like I don't have to forgive them, they have to suffer like me , they have to feel the pain that I went through repeatedly with no rest. Maybe if I could see them suffering then I could forgive them.

The drive to KZN felt like forever and I think it's because it had been a while since I went home. Especially since my home had become a nightmare because of people who apparently could see what other people can't see.

The further away we were from the city, the more anxious I got. The thought of going back to a place that left me with a permanent scar brought tears in my eyes. Immediately when I saw a sign written welcome to Empangeni , reality kicked, I knew that I there  is no turning back, I just have to go through my past and maybe that's what I need in order to move past my experience's.

When we arrived at home, my grandmother was already outside in her pure white pajamas as well as her gown , ululating and calling out our clan names, mind you it was around 4am in the morning but what can we say, my grandmother has never been a person to wake up very late in the morning. According to her once the time says 6 am and we are still asleep then we are regarded as lazy people hence we have to wake up the latest at 5am. My mom got emotional when she saw my granny and well maybe I shed a few tears there and there but the two of them were very emotional. I think it's caused by the fact that when we left home we made a promise to never return back but we would make arrangements for my grandmother to come to us even though she hates Johannesburg.

After all the sharing of tears we finally got inside the house. My grandmother's house has a main house where we sit and eat together as well as huts around the main house. One of the huts was my room but after everything that happened I moved inside the main house with my grandma and we shared her room and I think I still want to share her room with her again.  I was tired but I couldn't sleep not when uMam Mthethwa the senior is there.

We went to emsamo and ugogo appeased to the ancestors , traditionally we have to light the incense and candles but we only lighted one white candle and the incense and told them that we are back, may they forgive us for turning our backs on them even though we didn't but ke.
After all the admin I was finally let to sleep.

Hi guys sorry for the late updates currently having problems with my phone but please don't forget to vote and comment ❤️