If you can't see the song but want to listen to it whilst reading, it's Jorja Smith - Goodbyes.
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6 MONTHS AFTER FINDING OUT MITCH IS DEAD
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June
Life without Mitch...
I never thought I'd be here saying this, especially not in the way it ended. Yeah we had problems, argued, disagreed and had our days but what couple doesn't ? I would have never expected for him to be dead though.
My head feels so scrambled, so many thoughts running through it but I don't know where to start or what to say? Who to talk to? I feel like I got a million tabs open like an internet browser.
I feel broken.
I'm empty. The man I planned my whole life with is gone. It's been 6 months since everyone found out & 6 months since we buried him but the last time I saw him was 8 months ago & the thought alone makes me physically sick.
I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy, you feel stuck like life can't go on. When someone becomes apart of your everyday routine, it's almost revolting knowing that you now have to live a different normal due to the absence of the love of your life.
It was a nice summers day in June, the weather was 28 degrees outside but I wasn't going outside. I haven't been outside for the last 6 months. I can't do it. My mum stayed the night with me 2 days ago meaning she'll back round tomorrow. The girls messaged me about coming to pay me a visit today but I declined. When it comes to us everything is just fucked up now. I'm no idiot I know that Reece had something to do with it, ever since the girls night we had where we figured everything out and connected the pieces nothings been the same.
Which is why this whole thing is so bittersweet because I know the life that Mitch lived and it would be naive of me to say things like this happening didn't cross my mind often especially because Mitch was well known but he was still my baby, my Mitch, my one and only Mitch. He didn't deserve to die & if I could turn back the hands of time and just forget everything bad thing, every unnecessary argument, disagreement and fight I'd turn it. The technicality's of everything don't help either. I understand why Aasha & Amber never said anything but sisterhood should have overpowered that, but if I know Reece as well as I think I do then he didn't 100% admit to doing it, so it's understandable why nothing was said because what exactly could she have said to me??
