> warning : internal homophobia :(
> a little angst and fluff at the end
> part two MUEHEHEHHEHE
> MUTUAL PINING GRAHHHH
> plot; maybe minji starts to get jealous that y/n's attention is on other members and she talks to hanni (her bestfriend) about it and she gives her advice.
> bambichanel222 here's your request mam, sorry it takes forever omg thanks for being patient 💕
- 💌 -
- third person pov -
y/n had been gone for nearly two weeks now, flown out to tokyo for an exclusive modeling campaign that would keep her oversea until the end of the month.
the company had announced it proudly—y/n was the face of a new luxury brand collaboration, shooting commercials and magazine spreads in the middle of shibuya.
every day, she sent updates; photos in elegant outfits, behind-the-scenes clips of bustling studios, quick voice notes about how exhausted she was but how grateful she felt.
the rest of the group was thrilled for her. so was minji. at least, that's what she told everyone. why is everyone being unaffected by her absence? or is it just minji being exaggerated?
tonight, after she overheard y/n's video call with haerin—laughter spilling out of haerin's phone speaker, y/n's voice warm and bright like how she remembers—minji realized she'd been lying to herself more than anyone else.
she sat cross-legged on her bed, a small journal open on her laps. the lamplight painted soft shadows across the page as she pressed her pen down, the words forming out what her mouth couldn't.
-
minji’s diary ! (・(ｪ)・）
22.42pm, 22 july.
i don't know why this bothers me so much
it's not a big deal... right?
you're allowed to miss everyone. you're allowed to call haerin. or the others
but when i heard you laugh... especially like how you would laugh at my lame jokes... with her tonight, it makes my chest tighten :( this feeling is so ugly
i feel selfish for wanting you to love me only...
like there's something wrong with me for wishing you'd think of me first instead of them...
i hate feeling this way ://
this stupid selfish desire
i miss you more than i can admit
y/n, please come back soon
to me.
-
minji stared at the last line she had written. the dark ink is still wet, slightly smudged at the corner where her hand had trembled from writing too quick.
tch.
minji closed the journal wordlessly, her fingers lingering on the worn edges of the cover like it could somehow hold her together.
a part of her wanted to rip the page out and burn it to make it turn into ash and blow it away. another part of her was terrified someone would find it and know that she's not just that she missed y/n but that she loves the girl who debuted alongside with her in the same group.
it wasn’t the kind of love that came from playful teasing when the members hugged too long or sent heart emojis in the group chat, but it was the kind of love that felt dangerous, and capable of ruining both of their public images because they were both idols, and they were both girls.
would the world still adore her if she admitted she liked girls? or worse, would the dream she worked so hard for be ruined, all because people couldn’t accept her for who she is?
the thoughts had been lingering in her mind like an itch inside her skin she couldn't reach. minji let out a heavy sigh and put her journal back under her pillow, pulling her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as if that could protect her from people's expectations.
