Daddy Issues

57 - Holiday spirit

'So, I'm guessing it was a good date?'

'It was.'

Mom smiles. For the first time in months, she looks pretty happy. I think about congratulating her on scoring some good dick, but I'm afraid that would be the quickest way to ruin her mood.

'Thank you for staying over at Mel's,' she says.

She's even thanking me now? That really must have been some good sex.

'No problem.'

I mean, it was a problem. Who asks somebody not to come home like in the middle of the night? It was pure luck that I could spend the night at Dan's.

But I don't say any of that. Instead, I walk over to the kitchen island where Mom is just making her post-work-out-smoothie. She looks a little surprised when I take a seat on one of the stools and look at her. But I figure I'd best use this good mood to my advantage.

'I've been thinking about Christmas.'

'Okay,' she says suspiciously.

'I was thinking that maybe I could cook.'

I say it quickly, as if she won't have a chance to laugh at me that way. Of course, she still could. But she doesn't. Not yet anyway. She just looks confused.

'You want to cook for all 6 of us?'

'Yes.'

'Why?'

'I just thought it'd be fun,' I shrug.

And I have something to compensate for. I know she's probably anxious too, that it will be like last year again. But I want to show her, and Bob and Aileen, that it doesn't have to be that way.

I'm tired of all the fighting. I don't expect us to ever have an actual loving relationship. But maybe if I show her that I can do this and that I'm willing to put in effort... Maybe things could at least be better.

'You don't know how to cook,' she says, still sounding confused.

'I've been learning some things.'

'From who?'

From Dan.

'From... Google.'

'Okay,' she says, still clearly confused about the whole thing. 'I mean, we could just order in like we usually do. If you cook, it'll be a mess in the kitchen and what if you mess up the food?'

'I won't mess it up,' I say, trying not to get agitated by the complete lack of faith. 'I was thinking I could make some roast chicken and like some mashed potatoes and stuff. It's not that hard. I'll just prep everything in the morning and clean up the kitchen, so when Bob and Aileen get here, all we'll have to do is pop it into the oven.'

I asked Dan to show me how to make these exact dishes a while ago, when I started toying with the idea. Though I didn't tell him what I was planning, just in case it would all be an embarrassing disaster.

Mom still looks like she thinks I've lost my mind. But then, cautiously, she says:

'Well, I guess if you really want to. But don't expect any help from me, you know I'm useless in the kitchen.'

'That's fine.'

There's an awkward silence after that. But just when I want to go up to my room to change, she's the one to break it.

'Are you going over to Mel's on Christmas Eve again?'

'Um, no, actually.'

Now I'm the one to look confused. Why is she taking an interest all of a sudden?

'She's spending it with her boyfriend.'

'Mel has a boyfriend?'

'Yeah.'

Obviously, I didn't tell her about how I met Luke and how he ended up with Mel in the end. Even if we did ever talk to each other, it would be too embarrassing, even if I left out the part of him reminding me of Dan.

'So what are you going to do? Are you going to be here?'

'I can go out, if you want,' I say, a little prickly. She sounds kind of stressed even at the thought, once again reminding me how much my presence bothers her.

But I guess, this time, I was wrong.

'No, no, no need,' she says.

She takes a look at me, like she's thinking about something. But it's hard to know what she's thinking about. Because unlike with Dan, her face is an unreadable mask.

'I'll be here too, we can order something in? Or do you want to cook two nights in a row?'

'Oh,' I say surprised. I don't remember the last time she asked me to do something together.

'Um, sure.'

Is it working? Is my attempt at reconciliation already working, just by offering to cook? Or has she somehow been gripped by the holiday spirit or something?

'We can get Indian.'

Then she looks up, suddenly unsure.

'You still like Indian food, don't you?'

'Yes, I do.'

I even manage a smile. This is a good thing, right? She's offering to have dinner together. The thought makes me a little nervous, though. The only times we've sat down and had dinner together was when Dan was still here. He lightened the mood, I'm not sure how it will be with just us.

But I want things to be better. So, of course, I'll give it a chance. I'll be on my best behavior.

'Maybe we can watch a movie after,' she says.

Now I can't hide the look of confusion on my face anymore. Has she lost her mind? Is this actually my mother? Dinner is one thing, but I'm pretty sure we haven't watched a movie together since I was like 12.

She notices my face and smiles a little.

'I was thinking we've had quite a year,' she explains. 'Last Christmas was a mess, obviously. And everything with Dan...'

I swallow at the mention of his name. That's the first time she's spoken it since they broke up. Immediately, I feel a little guilty about where I spent the night. And that dream I had, though I really couldn't help that.

'It's time to turn over a new page,' she says resolutely. 'Roger is a good guy, I have a good feeling about this. I feel like things with Dan got messed up because of all this unresolved stuff between us. I think we both deserve a little more peace. So... why don't we start this Christmas?'

I hope I don't look too wary. It sounds like she just wants to make things better for the sake of her new relationship. Maybe she's worried that I might tell him things that would put her in a bad light again. I won't, of course. I didn't even mean to with Dan, and I've already decided to stay as far away as possible from this Roger-person if their relationship goes any further.

But even if that is the reason she wants to improve our relationship, I'll take it. I'm so tired of it all. And since I won't exactly have the money to move out or start a new education soon, I guess I'll be here for a while.

'That sounds fun,' I say, getting up from the bar stool. I need to go upstairs to recover from all this. And make sure I'm not dreaming again. 'Um, thank you.'

She nods and smiles at me. Then I get out of the kitchen so we don't get a chance to ruin one of the few pleasant interactions we've had lately.

This Roger must be something for her to be in such a good mood. Maybe it will be a good thing. Things are always a little easier when she's happy.