Daddy Issues

66 - Happy New Year

'What are you doing out here?' I ask, wrapping my arms around myself to try and preserve some warmth.

'It's fucking freezing.'

Dan startles a bit at the sound of my voice. I think I rattled him from some sort of deep contemplation. Or maybe he's just very drunk.

He turns around to lean his back against the railing and watches me approach. His fingers fiddle with his beer bottle, like he's not entirely at ease.

Maybe I should just leave him alone. Clearly, he came out here because he wanted to be. But I still find my feet moving towards him until I'm right beside him.

'Just needed some fresh air. I was getting a little tired.'

'Makes sense,' I say, watching my breath form a cloud in the cold air. 'It's way past your bedtime, old man.'

Dan chuckles, but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

'What are you doing out here? Did you come looking for me just to insult me?'

'No,' I say, rubbing my hands over my arms to stop myself from freezing to death. 'I missed you. I've barely seen you all night.'

He frowns a little. Shifts on his feet and looks away from me. Then he takes a slow swig of his beer. I feel like he's quiet for ages. What is wrong with him?

'You should go back inside,' he says finally. 'You'll catch a cold.'

I try not to let the dismissal sting me. It's clear he just doesn't feel good or something. Maybe he really is upset about seeing me hang out with Tom. But I don't really want to feel this distant to him all night.

'You actually can't catch a cold just from being cold,' I tell him. 'That's a myth.'

'Oh,' Dan says, smiling a little. 'Never mind then, doctor.'

'It's still a bitch, though.'

Dan laughs. But again, it's not like it usually is. More restrained. And it's over soon.

'D'you... want to be alone?'

I can't force my company on him, just because it makes me feel better. If he really wants to be alone, I'll go back inside. But I do hope he doesn't send me away. So I wait anxiously for his answer as he looks at me with that slightly sad expression in his eyes.

'No, but...' he says, a little hesitantly. 'It's almost midnight. You should be inside, enjoying yourself. Kiss that guy you've been flirting with when the clock strikes.'

As soon as he's done talking, he seems to regret what he said. He looks away again and frowns a little. Could he really be jealous? I don't like to see him upset, but a small part of me is also kind of flattered. I know I'd die of jealousy if I had to see him with another woman again.

'I don't really want to kiss that guy, to be honest,' I tell him. 'I mean, he's nice, but I'm not feeling it.'

'Oh,' is Dan's only reply. There's no way of telling if he's relieved to hear that or not. He keeps his voice carefully neutral and his eyes on his beer.

'So I was thinking it would be easier to stay away from him until the moment's passed. So it won't be awkward, you know. But I can go hide in the bathroom if you want to be alone.'

Finally, Dan's laugh seems a little more genuine. He does seem a little lighter than moments before. But maybe I'm just reading into it. He's made it very clear that nothing will ever happen between us.

'No, you can stay. But if you do, you'll have to take my jacket.'

He was smart enough to put on his coat before he went outside. And he's already unzipping and shrugging out of the thing before I can protest. Which I still do, of course.