Daddy Issues

80 - You told them everything?

'Are you okay?'

'I am not okay.'

I storm past Dan, into his apartment, and start pacing back and forth. A lot like I did just this afternoon.

I came back here as soon as I could and already filed him in on the horrible, unbelievable coincidence of Roger being the same guy as my doctor today, on the way here.

'I'm not okay,' I say again, picking at the bandages around my hand. 'She knows I'm hiding something. She thought I'd slept with Roger, can you believe that? I think I managed to convince her that that's crazy, but she still knows something's up. Roger already mentioned you, I freaked out and said you were just some guy I work with, but if she asks him a little more she'll figure out that it's you and she'll kill me!'

'Emma, please, calm down.'

I look at Dan through blurry eyes. I've been so on edge the entire night, I cried all the way here. Nothing crazy happened, thank God. Roger didn't mention anything about Dan again and my mother didn't accuse me of anything more. But I felt like there was a bomb hidden beneath the table that could go off any moment. Roger has seen us together. I don't want to know what would have happened if she found out I'm with Dan right there at that table.

Dan holds me by my shoulders and looks into my eyes with concern written all over his face. I'm happy to be here with him again, but I can't calm down knowing it could all blow up any moment. What if she asks Roger about what happened today again and he tells her more? I don't even know if it's safe to go home ever again.

'It's going to be okay,' Dan says, stroking my arms a little. 'I know you're freaked out and this is definitely not ideal, but we'll figure it out. I think this just means that... that the time has come. To tell her.'

'I can't,' I sob.

'You said it yourself,' he urges me gently. 'It will be best if you're the one to tell her. Or at least... it would be worse if she found out from someone else.'

I make an uncommittal sound somewhere between a sob and a groan. I know Dan's right. But I feel sick at the thought of telling her.

'People are starting to find out,' Dan continues. 'Avery knows. You said your friend from work's suspicious. Now this Roger-guy. It won't be long now before she-'

'I know!' I yell out, stepping away from him. 'I know. I'm just not ready.'

'I'll be there for you,' he says softly. 'Like I said, if she wants you out of the house, you can stay here with me. I want you here.'

Cautiously, he walks up and slides his hands around my waist. It's always good to have his arms around me. So I lean my back against his chest and sigh. I love him. I'm sure of that. I've never felt this way about anybody before. But a question lingers at the back of my throat.

What if it doesn't work out?

What if I tell Mom and Dan lets me stay with him, only for me to drive him crazy within a couple of weeks? I can't be easy to live with, Mom has made that much clear. He had all kinds of concerns that stopped him from being with me in the first place. What if he realizes that it was all a mistake? What if he'll realize that I'm far too broken, too much work, too much of a burden and he'll leave me and I'll have nothing left? Or maybe even worse... what if he'll stay with me anyway because he'll feel too bad to break up with me, but he'll slowly come to resent me for it and he'll start to hate me as much as she does?

'I called my parents to tell them today.'

I need a moment to register what he says. I was too lost in my own thoughts, quickly spiraling into desperation, but when the meaning of his words hit me, I practically jump around to face him.