Daddy Issues

63 - Merry Christmas

With Aileen's help, we actually manage to get it all done. Seemingly without even discussing it, Bob and Aileen have formed an alliance to keep Mom away from the kitchen so there's no more arguing and cooking is suddenly a lot less stressful. It's actually kind of fun to do it with Aileen. Though it's all still overshadowed by the horrible morning and the throbbing pain in my ear.

But she makes a lot of effort to make me feel better. Which makes me feel guilty, because I really wasn't supposed to set anybody to work or keep her away from Bob and the kids. Though she's not away from them all the time, because they keep running in and out of the kitchen. I'm glad for that, because I was planning on spending some time with them. I wasn't supposed to be in the kitchen so much while they're here.

There's nothing to do about that anymore, though, so I try to let it go. And I'm actually pretty proud of the meal we manage to get on the table, just a little after 6. Especially in the state I was in.

Once we've got everything ready and we've set the table, Aileen and I take a moment to appreciate our hard work.

'Look at that,' Aileen says, throwing her arm around me while she watches the juicy roast chicken in the middle of the table. 'We could run a restaurant, you and I.'

I laugh. A little nervously, because though I haven't seen much of my mother in a while, of course we'll be together at the table. And that's where it all went wrong last year.

'Let's get everybody, shall we?' Aileen says pulling me in a little closer one last time.

A few short moments later, everybody is gathered around the table, Bob and the kids expressing their admiration for what we've managed to cook up. It's really not that impressive, so I know Bob is exaggerating, and kids are just easily impressed. But I appreciate it all the same. Even Mom has something nice to say. Just not to me.

'Thank you so much, Aileen, don't know what we would have done without you. Everything looks great.'

I notice the short look between Bob and Aileen before she looks over at me.

'It was all Emma. I just helped with some of the easier tasks.'

Another exaggeration, because she did a lot. But I still offer her a grateful smile.

'Well, let's dig in, shall we?' Uncle Bob suggests.

For a while, everything is actually pretty pleasant. Everybody likes the food, or at least they say they do, and we're all just chatting about random things. I made sure to sit as far away from Mom as possible, which puts me at the head of the table straight across from her and between Aileen and Sarah, who insisted on sitting next to me.

I'm perfectly happy listening to Sarah's stories about school and friends and what her Barbies have been up to. All in all, this Christmas might actually end better than last year did.

It's so crazy that all of that is one full year ago now. One year since I met Dan. More of that day has been coming back throughout today, because even in the midst of feeling like shit, I couldn't not think about Dan while I was preparing the dishes he taught me to cook.

It's all still too blurry to remember much, because I was way too drunk that day. But I remember when Dan first showed up now. I was on the floor, already tipsy, because Mom had been riling me up so much. That's not the reason I was on the floor, though, I was playing Lego's with the kids that brought over the gifts they got that morning. Looking back now, I think Dan was kind of nervous. Because he walked over and hovered awkwardly in front of us.

Then he said something weird like:

'Looks like there's some architects in the family,' or something.