Drained. That's what your body felt like.
Sometimes life comes crashing and trembling, and there is no where to run. Twenty minutes ago as you were fighting in Central Park, but you didn't remember the reason. One minute you're sitting on a bench with Matt, just talking and having a good time, the next you were both shouting. The stress, anxiety, everything was hitting you hard these days and you didn't mean to take it out on Matt, he happened to be there.
Now, on the train back to Brooklyn, you sat next to each other like you didn't know each other. As the train shook on the tracks, your shoulder kept bumping against him and you felt the change in yourself.
Matt doesn't deserve this. He's not the reason you feel trapped in life, he isn't a problem on your list. He's been there for you through everything, being the support you needed and now you were pushing him away. This can't happen. You need each other.
The sight of a disappointed and sad Matt broke your heart. He had given you everything he could and you still made him feel horrible. He doesn't deserve this.
He glanced at you, eyes meeting yours, waiting for what was coming next. Will you keep fighting? Do you have something rude to say to him? But you don't feel like talking. Instead, you lifted his arm and cuddled into his head, leaning your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around you, kissing the top of your head.
"I'm sorry" you mumbled, putting your hand on his chest. He stared down at you with a soft gaze as he ran his hand up and down your arm.
"I hate fighting with you"
"I know. I hate it too"
"I know I can be a dumb fuck sometimes, but if you want to talk about anything, you know I'm here, right? I hate seeing you so...terrible. Is it because of me? Am I doing something wrong?"
This is what you were afraid of. Making Matt feel like this was targeted at him.
Lifting your head up to look in his eyes and you were sad to see fear in his eyes.
"No! You did nothing wrong, Matt!" You cupped his cheek and stroked it softly. "I'm just...tired and stressed. I took it out on you and I didn't mean to, I'm sorry"
"What can I do to help you?"
"Just be with me. Even when I'm acting like a dumb bitch" you laughed, making him smile.
"I thought I was the only one who could call you a bitch and only in the bedroom"
That's the Matt you love. Never fails to cheer you up.
Reaching over, you took his hand on his lap and laced your fingers together. He lifted them up and kissed the back of your hand.
"I love you" you whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth.
"I love you too, kid" he smiled, kissing your forehead.
